I love my two girls, both teens, they are special people. They are kind to others and loving beings but the teenage know it all, you don’t understand bologna is getting to me. I noticed a big change in my older daughter when she turned 16. She got her license and is doing well with the driving, but her attitude, wow, way out of line all the time. I know she has no clue what she is doing or saying to me and her sister but she can really make you feel badly. She plays the guilt game rather well and I spent last night eating until I went to bed because her and I got into a fight, I was telling her to stop being so nasty all the time. I know over eating isn’t helping either of us, but it is what I do!
Of course the entire time I am speaking so is she. She can’t seem to hush up and listen to me, she glosses over and starts running her mouth. “Oh Yeah, whatever”, “No I don’t Jessi does that you need to talk to her”, “Oh so it is okay for HER to do that but not me”, “Everyone is mean to me all the time”, “Yes you are you have no idea how horrible you are”, “Everyone Hates me just ask my dad”, “Everyone picks on me all the time”, and lets not forget the all time effective “Roll of the Eyes”. At one point I thought they were going to roll back in her head and get stuck. lol
You will notice the theme to her comments is “Poor Me”, when honestly she has it pretty good. Although if I ask her to do anything she says she does everything and why can’t her sister do something. Her sister does twice the work she does and doesn’t gripe about it. Now keep in mind my oldest is diagnosed Bipolar II so she struggles with depression and self esteem, no matter what I say though she turns every compliment into an insult. Sometimes I am afraid to say anything, she will ask me if something looks right or whatever and no matter how I answer it she stomps off. Either I am lying to her or I didn’t answer fast enough, or the look on my face wasn’t right etc.
I am not writing this to gripe about her, I love her dearly, I just wish I knew how to reach her and get her to see how great SHE is. Her Low self esteem is killing us both. I have tried everything I know to help her and raise her up but she won’t let go of the negative experiences she has had in life, ie. being bullied for years, her diagnosis, last night she kept saying she was crazy. Now can you imagine my daughter thinking Bipolar II makes you crazy, No way I am shocked when she says that and not sure if she means it or not. We joke about it sometimes and I do have a sign on the door that says Welcome to the Nut House, but we are nutty not crazy!
I had a couple really nice people reply to me on Facebook last night and suggest I start a binder for just her and I to write to each other instead of trying to discuss it, that way she or I could re-read it if one says we didn’t understand. I think sometimes she doesn’t know what she says. It might just be a better way to communicate if she is open to it. Probably would work for both girls honestly.
Anyway, does anyone have any ideas how to help this situation? Other than therapy as she has kaiser insurance now and I can’t get any real mental health care from them at all. I tell you as big as they are why do they not have a good mental health department. The psychiatrist they go to for the medicines starts the appointment as she is walking us down the hallway to her office, and no sooner than your rear hits the chair you are out the door. Anyway that’s a whole other post in itself!
Mother Daughter photo via ~Image courtesy of StockImages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net