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Mental Illness and Family Support or Lack of it

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Image of When yoiu need something to believe in start with YOURSELFI have spoken to and listened to a lot of people as of late that have NO support from their families in their diagnosis of Mental illness. At first I couldn’t believe it, then I realized I too was one of those that didn’t have the support of my close family, husband especially.

Let me explain; I was in my early 30′s when I realized just how miserable and out of control I was and that it wasn’t me. Something was wrong. I set out on the path of looking for help. My husband was annoyed by this and this is when our relationship really began to crumble. I was no longer seeing my mother because she caused some real problems for me where being happy was concerned. I saw my father infrequently. My husband got increasingly annoyed with the time I was spending learning about my illness and how I had submerged myself in what I had to do to stop the madness. He wasn’t happy with me getting better but at the time I thought it was just jealousy that he wasn’t getting enough attention. As it turned out my ex is a victim of life, a victim of anything that happens to anyone, everything is about him. Well if I got better that wouldn’t fit his purpose in life. He gave absolutely no support and harassed me about counseling, made fun of me and even blamed everything on me and my illness. I kept going for my girls. 

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Her 13th Birthday…

Where did the time go, how did my baby get to be 13 already. No Image of a girl with a cake and presentway it has been 13 years since the day she was born into this world and became the love of my life! 

Ugh well it seems it has been 13 years and she has grown into a beautiful, caring thoughtful young lady!  She has her struggles with the depression and anxiety but under it all she is a lovely young lady! She will help you with anything on a moments notice, she loves to be part of everything. She is happy and funny, almost all the time.  Sure she has a ‘teenage’ attitude but she is supposed to at this point. When you point it out and tell her it is not acceptable she stops and apologizes most of the time. 

Her grades are good and she has a ton of friends. She loves each one of them for who they are! She is a social butterfly! She loves to go off-roading with her Dad and drives the cars around the desert. She is fearless and loving all at once! Unfortunately, the fearless part keeps her injuring herself but so far not too seriously!   She is a frequent fly-er at the Urgent Care, they know her well! 

Most of all she still likes to cuddle on the couch and watch television and I get to lay in bed with her sometimes before she goes to sleep. She will always be my baby, no matter how old she gets! 

So here is to you Jessi, Happy 13th Birthday! May every year bring you Love, Happiness and Joy!! 

I love you!

 

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Packing, Moving and Boat Show?

Wow had an exhausting and Fun weekend!! 

Image of moving boxesMy mom decided to move which you already know if you read some of my other posts. She is living out-of-town and caring for an elderly woman, which she is really good at, has compassion for elderly people.  She came in town thursday evening, and Friday morning, my oldest daughter and I went to start helping her pack.  We had Friday and Saturday to pack and load the trailer. Sunday my brother was coming to drive the trailer out to her new place and unload it.  My mom has a ton of stuff so it was quite a job but we did it, also with the help of my Youngest daughter and then Carl came Saturday afternoon and absolutely rescued us. He helped us move the heavier items like the washer and dryer etc. He is my Hero on so many levels. :) We were so tired that it would have taken us forever to get it all done. 

Even tho packing was hard work and we are all exhausted it was nice to spend two straight days with my girls. Image of Yachts

Today, Sunday we went to the boat show!  My first boat show by the way! I was in awe of some of these boats, and Yachts! They were huge and gorgeous, with every option you can imagine.  Gorgeous is the only word that fits.  It was a beautiful warm sunny San Diego day! Being on the water looking at these boats was an amazing experience Carl was mesmerized by the boats and he wants one so badly!  I know he will eventually have one but he wants to buy a house first.  After the boat show we went to eat at a restaurant called Joe’s Crab Shack, some of you may know it!! 

I love doing this stuff with Carl, it’s so nice to be experiencing different things in town!! I have lived my entire life here and not ever been to a boat show!  Being so comfortable with Carl really lets me appreciate the things we do together. :) 

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Thoughts about my Childhood Relationship with my Father…

Tonight I am thinking about the difficult relationship I had with my father when I was my daughters ages. By age of 16 I no longer saw him and really resented that he was never there for us, or never present. 

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 The last two days have been extremely trying with my teenage girls and their father. Their father tends to return them to my house and  refuse to answer their calls and texts when they do something  wrong but then he blames me for turning them against him and not  letting them come with him… Yep sounds a bit nuts doesn’t it?? I  think it is nuts!!  How am I responsible for not making them go with  their father when he refuses to come get them and drops them back  home when they are nasty to him and he doesn’t want to deal with it.  I don’t know why he thinks I enjoy dealing with it but he keeps doing  it. 

Then he texts me that it’s horrible I have turned the girls against him and refuse to make them go with him and he is taking me back to court etc.. I’m usually dumb founded by these contacts from him but whatever.. Anyway, all this crap has made me think about the difficult relationship I had with my father and what that role may have played with me picking my now ex-husband to have children with… hmmm right? 

Lets compare them… 

  • Both Hunters 
  • Both unhappy people 
  • Both suffer from depression and other issues
  • Both are drinkers 
  • Both are very selfish 
  • Neither of them seem to have any parenting skills
  • Neither seem able to truly love another person and put them first
  • Neither can communicate successfully in relationships
  • Both opinionated and always right 
  • Both rarely take responsibility for their life choices
  • Neither are willing to deal with difficult subjects 
  • Both made their wives/ex-wives raise the children alone (even when still together)
  • Both were angry about paying child support and give as little as possible 
  • Both tend to lie to make themselves look better to others 
  • Both Blame others for their life issues 
  • Both were controlling as husbands although in different ways
  • Both were more concerned with what they want in life and not what is best for their kids 

I think I married my father… :( Is that possible after years of struggling for his attention and wanting a relationship with him. Did I actually pick someone just like him??

I had so many dreams for my girls and their relationship with their father. I was sure he would be a good dad even though I raised his son, that was 1-year-old when we got together. I don’t know what I was thinking I really thought he loved his son completely and was a good dad, but when I look back that’s not what I see.  Hind site is truly 20/20!! 

I have come to believe I chose this man because I still wanted approval from my father (any man works at that stage) that I never got and never will get! I wish at 19 years old we had a Quarter of the sense we have at 40 years old! Would have saved a lot of unhappiness!! 

I am happy to be free of that unhealthy relationship but I didn’t realize my girls have that same unhealthy relationship with their father that I did. Why? Because of the person he is and always will be. It is sad! :( 

The father daughter relationship (in my opinion) sets the stage for every relationship a girl has with a man. I’m so glad I have finally learned to accept who people are, respect myself and they must respect me as well! :) 

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“The wise man must remember that while he is a descendant of the past, he is a parent of the future.”         Herbert Spencer quotes (British social Philosopher, 1820-1903)

photostock‘s portfolio is:

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2125

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