Tonight I am thinking about the difficult relationship I had with my father when I was my daughters ages. By age of 16 I no longer saw him and really resented that he was never there for us, or never present.
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The last two days have been extremely trying with my teenage girls and their father. Their father tends to return them to my house and refuse to answer their calls and texts when they do something wrong but then he blames me for turning them against him and not letting them come with him… Yep sounds a bit nuts doesn’t it?? I think it is nuts!! How am I responsible for not making them go with their father when he refuses to come get them and drops them back home when they are nasty to him and he doesn’t want to deal with it. I don’t know why he thinks I enjoy dealing with it but he keeps doing it.
Then he texts me that it’s horrible I have turned the girls against him and refuse to make them go with him and he is taking me back to court etc.. I’m usually dumb founded by these contacts from him but whatever.. Anyway, all this crap has made me think about the difficult relationship I had with my father and what that role may have played with me picking my now ex-husband to have children with… hmmm right?
Lets compare them…
- Both Hunters
- Both unhappy people
- Both suffer from depression and other issues
- Both are drinkers
- Both are very selfish
- Neither of them seem to have any parenting skills
- Neither seem able to truly love another person and put them first
- Neither can communicate successfully in relationships
- Both opinionated and always right
- Both rarely take responsibility for their life choices
- Neither are willing to deal with difficult subjects
- Both made their wives/ex-wives raise the children alone (even when still together)
- Both were angry about paying child support and give as little as possible
- Both tend to lie to make themselves look better to others
- Both Blame others for their life issues
- Both were controlling as husbands although in different ways
- Both were more concerned with what they want in life and not what is best for their kids
I think I married my father… Is that possible after years of struggling for his attention and wanting a relationship with him. Did I actually pick someone just like him??
I had so many dreams for my girls and their relationship with their father. I was sure he would be a good dad even though I raised his son, that was 1-year-old when we got together. I don’t know what I was thinking I really thought he loved his son completely and was a good dad, but when I look back that’s not what I see. Hind site is truly 20/20!!
I have come to believe I chose this man because I still wanted approval from my father (any man works at that stage) that I never got and never will get! I wish at 19 years old we had a Quarter of the sense we have at 40 years old! Would have saved a lot of unhappiness!!
I am happy to be free of that unhealthy relationship but I didn’t realize my girls have that same unhealthy relationship with their father that I did. Why? Because of the person he is and always will be. It is sad!
The father daughter relationship (in my opinion) sets the stage for every relationship a girl has with a man. I’m so glad I have finally learned to accept who people are, respect myself and they must respect me as well!
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“The wise man must remember that while he is a descendant of the past, he is a parent of the future.” Herbert Spencer quotes (British social Philosopher, 1820-1903)
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