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10 Famous People With Bipolar Disorder, The Price of Fame?

I have looked around the internet for information on Bipolar Disorder and People with Bipolar to share with you all.  There are a lot of Creative people who have Bipolar whether it be Bipolar I or Bipolar II.  I wanted to share an article that just lists 10 well-known people who have Bipolar.  I liked this article found it interesting and thought you may also… 

 

10 Famous People With Bipolar Disorder

The Price of Fame? Image of Vincent Van Gogh

 

This article is from EverydayHealth.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
Aristotle

Image via EverydayHealth.com

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Life Values and Bipolar Limitations…

This is part of a comment from a blog called Thebipolarproject… and the reason for the topic of this post! I suggest you check out her blog! 

I think you have it quite tough because you have a lot of responsibilities, you have children and extra stresses and difficulties. That’s a lot to juggle, and I admire your ability to keep pushing on. I would love to know more about what you value in life, what is important to you and the limitations that you do have and how you work within them (or not!) – Maybe a topic for a post on your blog? 

I’m not sure how to answer that but here is my best try at it; I value high morals, always do the right thing, always think of others, always make up for what mistakes you make, own your actions don’t blame others, work as hard as you can to be the BEST person you possible, don’t accept less than your best and be the best parent you can, your forming adults and they must know your values!  Help others in whatever way you can but don’t accept abuse from them. You must respect yourself or you won’t be happy!

With my illness I find it important to surround myself with positive people. Those that don’t make drama out of nothing and those that care about others. That doesn’t mean I don’t help those that don’t appreciate my help but I will only do what I can and if it affects my life, my kids, my world in a negative fashion it has to be stopped.  I have been mistreated many times but I can’t usually help myself until it affects me in a negative way.  Then I realize I’m not helping anyone and just sacrificing my stable moods so I have to stop.  I don’t help anyone with any expectation of getting anything in return, except respect of my life and my feelings.  

I do my best to not judge people, I don’t know what their life is like and I am not in their shoes so I try not to judge. Am I always successful at that, NO we all have those moments that we later realize we were being unfair, we are human. 

I have severe mood swings and anger at times and I have lit into people unnecessarily but I always regret it, the rage that comes with my illness sometimes takes over.. like the incident with my neighbor that I wrote about in a earlier post.  I always apologize and I  feel horrible about it as that rage isn’t who I really am, it’s a symptom of my illness that I work hard to control.

The number one most important thing in my life is my Children.  My two girls mean the world to me and I have worked hard for years to control my illness and change my negative thought processes to a more positive way of thinking and I am hoping they will be better people for it just as I am. 

My limitations you ask.. there are many! Number one I cannot work! The stress of a job sends me over the edge every time, it undoes my stability and pushes me into a world of depression and anger. I get lost in the swirling of my Bipolar Mind.  It takes a lot out of me daily to control my symptoms and live normally. I have to watch my feelings , reactions and level of happiness constantly, because any change could mean a big mood change in my life.  It’s difficult to not be able to work, money is a huge issue. Here I am on the third of January with not enough money to pay rent, turning in my recycling and collecting it from others to attempt to make it one more month. It’s difficult with two teenage girls who also have depression issues that have to be treated. I also have to watch them and their lives and reactions and such to make sure they aren’t falling over the edge and get them to the doctor when they are.. I must have the money to buy their medicine which is quite expensive even with insurance.

When you are depressed, which we always are, its hard to get up each day and get two depressed teenagers out of bed, ready, off to school and deal with all their weird morning quirks etc. I love them and I do it because I do love them, they have to see that you can’t let the depression rule your life. Really depression is just a fact of our life and we have to set up our lives and limits around it. If our anxiety is high then we don’t go shop that day or where ever we would normally go but we will push our way out the next day.

I can’t go into big crowds most days and my oldest daughter can’t either as our anxiety is high, we have a difficult time going some where we have never been before or talking with someone we have never talked to before. The anxiety is crippling if we give into it.

Since this post is getting so long I think I will stop there… Maybe I can expand on things further in another post.  There are so many accepted limitations that it isn’t easy to know what mine are in comparison to others anymore. :)

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The Love of a Mother…

My girls mean the world to me.  I have watched them grow into these beautiful young women.  I don’t mean beautiful in just the way they look, I mean they are beautiful people inside.

Thoughtful, caring, moral and real is just a few ways to describe my girls. I am very proud of who they strive to be, how much they care for others and how they don’t always think of themselves first.  They are not perfect, they make mistakes, they are teenagers so attitude is just part of life now but they are loving people even when they are trying not to be. lol :)

I have tried to teach them to respect themselves and even tho my oldest is struggling with this due to her lack of confidence, I do believe they will respect themselves as adults and need others do the same. My oldest especially since she requires that from her father even though she doesn’t get the respect she deserves as  a person from him!

My oldest is smart, beautiful, sensitive, caring, thoughtful and very capable of anything she wishes in life. She suffers with Bipolar2 Disorder just like I do but she has been treated since she was young and I believe it will not keep her from being a very successful woman! I believe she will end up in a field that helps others. She is excited about the prospect of driving and getting a job. I believe a job would do wonders for her confidence level!  She is creative and a bit artsy!  She is full of anxiety at times but doesn’t let it cripple her!  She is still a bit shy but that has improved every year. She is amazing to me and deserves the best out of life!

My youngest is a complete opposite of my oldest, from their looks to their personalities! She is full of energy, never stops moving and talking.  She is a smart girl but things don’t come easy for her in school like my oldest. She works hard and gets great grades. She has a serious Anxiety issue developing and suffers with depression. She has been treated for a couple of years now for the depression but the anxiety, although it has always been there, has developed into a disorder lately! She is confident and outgoing and a social butterfly.  She is starting to have boyfriends and, as I have always known, will be a teenager to keep an eye on. lol She is very capable, thoughtful, caring, has tons of friends and feels bad when she does something wrong. She is a people pleaser!  She strives to be a good person and therefore she is! She loves and accepts people for who they are, although she is easily hurt by others it doesn’t keep her from moving forward. Just like my oldest she is amazing.  She is a terrific person and a beautiful girl! I couldn’t be more proud of her!

I love my girls with all my heart and have always tried to think of them as PEOPLE, they are not just kids they are small adults in the making and they deserve respect and caring.  I find so many parents treat kids as if they really aren’t people they just want to rule them and that isn’t healthy for any child! We are here to correct them and teach them but we don’t rule them, they have their own feelings and although we may not always agree with the way they feel they deserve to be respected and treated fairly.  We must as parents take their feelings into consideration when we make decisions in our lives. Every move we make affects them and it is our job to consider them as well!

We should know them well enough to know how our decisions will affect them and consider that every time we change something in our lives. I believe honesty is the most important thing in your relationship with your kids. How do we teach them to be open and honest yet lie to them about things in their lives. It doesn’t work that way! 

I love my girls and I hope that they always remember that no matter what happens in their lives! 

                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2280

 

Mom and daughter hugging a heart

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


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New Relationship and Bipolar…

Do you wonder how a new relationship survives the mood issues I have had lately? Me too!!  

Today I’m sharing more on my relationship with Carl.  When I met Carl I was a mess he was my neighbor at the first apartment I moved into after my husband and I separated. We said Hi to each other and general niceties but never really spent any time together.  I thought he was a nice man the moment I saw him but I didn’t feel good about myself and wasnt looking for a relationship.  We lived there 3 yrs as neighbors until he moved out to move in with his girl friend.  I wished him the best and went on my way.  A year after he moved, I ran into him at a local park and we chatted for a while.  No big deal really.  I was pretty stable at the time and was happy open to a relationship.  Well as it turned out he had just moved out of his girlfriends house, I told him how sorry I was it didn’t work out etc.

 Then a few weeks later two days before I went to court for my divorce, he tracked me down at a local store and asked me out.  He proceeded to tell me that he always regretted not asking me out and he has looked for me to ask me out for a week or so.  He said he was frequenting the areas my kids went to school in hoping to run into me. He assured me he wasn’t a stalker.. haha   I was shocked had no idea he wanted to date, I accepted his invite to dinner without hesitation and we have dated more than a year now.

We see each other daily with a few exceptions.  He has experienced some of my weird moods and he is still here.  So I guess he hasn’t been scared off as of yet.  I have never actually told him what my diagnosis is because he hasn’t asked.  I have told him about my experience with moods and depression he knows I have had some bad years with it and this last 6 months he has experienced those moods, not the worst ones but some not so good ones.  He gives me the space I need and is not offended by my moods.

I have told him that I have depression and mood issues and have talked about a lot of those and listened to him about some of my different moods that he has noticed.  He knows the doctor took me out of work and that I take several medications daily for the depression.  I really don’t know how he feels about all that as we haven’t discussed it yet, but he is still around and we still have a great time together, even doing nothing. 

This man is amazing, he is easy to be with, easy to talk to about everything, he isn’t perfect mind you but he is funny, friendly, outgoing and loving.  He respects me and all women, he is a bit opinionated on politics so that’s not a good topic. haha  He is the kind of guy that opens doors for you and offers to help with anything and everything, although he doesn’t like me helping him with stuff.  It’s a man thing I think.. :)  I help anyway, sometimes. :) He worries about me being under too much stress but he doesn’t push his opinion on me, he respects my choices.  He has supported me in helping my friend who was having marital issues even though he felt I was being taken advantage of, he voiced that but not disrespectfully.  He then let me realize it all on my time.  He never puts me down in any way!   To me he is nearly the perfect man.  He is good to my kids too and they both like him. He doesn’t overstep boundaries with them though, he respects them. 

So as time goes on and we get to talk more about feelings etc I’m sure I will be posting more about this wonderful man.  Wish us luck!! :)

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Diagnosing my Daughter’s Symptoms…

Have you ever looked at your child and thought something is not right?  Well I had to do just that with my first child when she was around age 5… 

Like I said when my first child was about 5 yrs old, I realized that her moods and reactions toMy beautiful girl, My first born! things were not normal.  I would see her run inside from playing with friends and she would go to her bed and be pulling her hair out while saying she didn’t know why she was so mad.. Well at this point I knew something was wrong with me (although not what was wrong) so it wasn’t far off to think she would have issues as well.  I tried to work with her on it and nothing worked. :( It was so hard to see her be miserable she was losing all her friends and about to start Kindergarten and I knew this wasn’t getting better.  

So I focused on her and getting help for her…. All the while wondering what is going on in her brain.  She hated doctors she had been ill as a 3 yr old and stayed in the hospital a week and it wasn’t a decent experience for her.  She had also been diagnosed with a kidney reflux issue so she had to have tests done annually that were pretty traumatic for her.  

We went to many psychiatrists and some therapists looking for answers.  Why was my beautiful happy child so moody now and unhappy.  Why was she having fits of frustration over nothing and why was she having Night Terrors.  She has them for years she would be crying and screaming and running about the house but completely in her sleep and terrified!  It was impossible to wake her.  We would take her into the bathroom and turn on the light and talk to her and hold her till we could wake her.  That was terrible to see, but then it seemed to be happening to her in the day as well with these fits of frustration.  

Our experience with these so-called Doctors was not good.  They would label her just about anything to make us come back the next week… It was disappointing to say the least.  They would tell me she was afflicted with some disorder and order me to buy a book on it and I would and read it and know it was not what was wrong with her.  I couldn’t believe it not only are we putting out money for these doctors but we are buying books on an illness that she didn’t have ONE symptom from… grr its was frustrating. 

When she was 7 yrs old we went to see the doctor we have now, Dr S. is what we will call him.  Since I was in treatment as well I gave him my history and my family history and what was going on with my daughter.  He knew right away what it was, Bipolar2 disorder.  Heavily depressed and Hypo-manic highs, high levels of anger and anxiety etc.  Ok so now we know what it is, how do we treat it?  We started with meds right away.  I like him because even tho he is giving me medication for my child he tries small doses first as to not over medicate.  He does not want her overly medicated.  It took a year or more really to get her stabilizing but she was better able to deal with her feelings once we had some information on what it was.  She went to him once a week for some time till we had her leveled out.  We have then seen him once a month or on an as needed basis since then.  I am also now seeing him and so is her sister. (a whole other story in itself) 

This daughter of mine is now 15 yrs old.  She is brilliant, beautiful and capable of most things in life.  We have had our ups and down with Anxiety.  There were times that I couldn’t even take her to the store with out her freezing at the door and turning ghost white, she would then go on and on that she wanted to go home. Latched to my hand, tightly I might add, and quietly she would chant I want to go home, I want to go home over and over I would just keep her close and talk to her and once it got too bad we would leave.. then she would regain color in her face and be exhausted.   At this point those anxiety attacks are minimal most of the time she can handle it and function fine but when she can’t we try, then leave if needed.  She is learning more and more about her illness and how to cope and control some of it.  Obviously 15 yrs old means terrible attitude but we love her anyway.. LOL  

Her story is also one of Hope. She went from a disturbed child, who couldn’t concentrate in school to a beautiful teenager that has all A’s and B’s in Honor classes.  She works hard and is also learning to drive.  She excels at almost everything she does!  She is only missing the confidence she needs to exceed her own expectations.  We are working on it and she is improving.  

Well that’s my story in a nutshell there are obviously more incidences but generally this is how it all transpired..  

Remember:  When the World says Give Up,  Hope Whispers Try One More Time!! 

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Impulsive Over Spending Anyone???

Have you ever gone into a store thinking you would wander around but dying to buy something at a time when you have NO money??  You know you’re spending rent/mortgage payment but you do it anyway.. 

One of my many Bipolar symptoms is spending money when I don’t have any…Don’t get me wrong I don’t buy things we don’t need but I don’t have the money and I buy it anyway…  This is one of my many signs of my illness being Off Track, as I like to call it! 

The past 4 months or more I have done this each month.  I used to be able to pay my bills and just do without whatever, make ends meet no matter what!  Maybe we are light on food or what have you as I’m on a limited income and a single mom of 2 teenage girls but we would get by.  

I have done this for these past months and my bills are all late and I’m so mad at myself.  I have never in my life paid my bills late but as the economy dips lower and things are getting more and more expensive, I am losing control.   When I do this I  know it is going to make it a disaster and stress me out completely yet I do it anyway. Ugh the frustration is unreal and yet I do it again.  

Each month I am having panic attacks about how I will pay rent, praying that a family member will help me out.   All the while being utterly embarrassed of having to ask.   I have sold items  from the house , patio furniture etc..  The stress level is killing me, causing my symptoms to worsen. 

I’m frantic to fix the problem before my moods get unpredictable.  I am increasing and decreasing meds (doctors supervision).  Praying all the while that I will level out and not make a huge mess out of my finances and my life.  Every medicine change could mean deeper depression or further agitation but I have no choice I have to pray the outcome of a medicine change will be positive.  I am afraid, afraid of going back to the days that I couldn’t stand myself and losing my bit of control over this Bipolar depression. 

I am so mad at myself and exhausted as I struggle to get control and fail. I’m depressed along with agitated and that is frightening for someone with my illness.  It’s a vicious cycle and I’m sick of it. 

I won’t let it win, I will continue to be me, I will get through this time No matter what!!!  

I have great friends online and off and I appreciate every one of you, I couldn’t get through this life without you all.  I have met so many nice people and I am always amazed at how many people are affected by  mental illness whether it be their issues or a loved ones or a friend…. 

Thank you everyone! Your my rock!! 

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Mood Swings are Exhausting…

A depressed man sitting on a bench

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Have you ever been really depressed?  I mean truly depressed where everything is an effort, just breathing feels like too much to bother with and you are fighting to keep a positive outlook on life? 

 

That’s been me the last couple  Few months! Up and down moods and energy levels, its exhausting, but I know it’s just my illness so I have to remember this isn’t my life or my attitude it’s just A part of life.  It’s a part I would like to leave behind but it will always be with me.  I get to feeling better than I wake up feeling that churning inside and a heavy head of racing thoughts… 

Then I have to think about every thought so I can stop the negative self hating ones.  I have to remind myself that isn’t reality, I don’t deserve to be treated that way by anyone especially myself.  When I do this it can really affect my relationships with people and my overall attitude about life.  I have to repeat to myself, I AM CHOOSING HAPPINESS!!  

Now I know a lot of you are thinking she is fooling herself and you are either happy or you’re not, well I know I can choose to be happy.  Do I have everything I want in my life? No… Do I have what is necessary in life?  Yes I do.  Am I a good person who cares about others and wants to help people out with their troubles?  Yes I am.. Do I live a good and moral life? Yes I do  and I have to repeat that to myself a lot and I have to tell myself to stop those thoughts.   Those thoughts are my illness not me and I can’t let it take over… 

The days of bipolar depression having control are over, it will affect me and the people in my life at times but I won’t let it rule me!!  I will be the better person I know I am!!  Do you have to tell yourself what your thankful for in your life? Does it help you? 

OK we all know I will have bipolar days and weeks and even months but I can’t define myself by it and that’s why I find it helpful to counter those negative thoughts and the self hate that comes from the depression. 

Do you struggle with these thoughts as well?  How do you handle them? Do you even notice when you’re doing it?  Do you tell yourself to stop?  How does it affect you?  

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