When did you last sleep through the night?

Woman sleeping at her desk

Image courtesy of Ambro / 

I have written recently about being in a depressed mode, but what comes along with that the longer it stays is; No sleep. Now don’t get me wrong I go to bed every night about the same time but I wake up every few minutes through out the night and roll around and around until I can’t take it any more and I get up. Today it was at 3 am that I couldn’t fall back to sleep even for a few minutes, but that didn’t stop me from rolling around in bed attempting to sleep for nearly an hour. I don’t know about you but that seems to be worse than just getting up. :)  I’m determined though. :)

There are two stages of moods that cause me to be unable to rest. The first is the depression, anytime I am truly depressed

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Supporting Loved One’s with Bipolar Disorder by Naomi Esterly

This is a guest post from Naomi Esterly, I am pleased to have her guest post on my blog today. 

BIO:  Naomi Esterly is a mother of two boys, a baby girl and a wife to an army man. She may appear like she’s got her hands full but she tries to find time to volunteer in her community center and write freelance for companies like 1800WheelChair.Com. In this guest post she talks about supporting family members dealing with bipolar disorder.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles /

Several million people are affected by the serious mental illness called Bipolar disorder. While bipolar disorder, a condition that is characterized by extreme mood swings that range from mania to depression, is most common in teenagers and young adults it can strike people of all ages. Those who suffer from bipolar disorder experience a myriad of emotions, which can be stressful to themselves as well as those around them. Often times, people distance themselves from loved ones who suffer from bipolar disorder simply because they aren’t aware of ways to cope with the illness. However, with the proper knowledge and education, I have discovered that it is possible to learn positive ways to live with those suffering from the illness. I’ve been able to learn about the positive ways to deal with bipolar disorder through raising my son, Jacob, who is now 20 years old and currently able to live a reasonably normal life despite the illness, thanks to many of the positive coping mechanisms we’ve learned together throughout the years.

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These Past Few Weeks…

Image of 3D Character next to the word stress in red

I have been reporting to you on my having an episode of depression and a bit of Hypo-mania. What I haven’t shared is just how busy I have been these last 6 weeks or so. Well I have and haven’t so today I am going to talk about how I allow myself to get committed to too many things at once and put way too much pressure on myself and then have these different episodes with moods.

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Depression is Clearing.. Increased Energy

Image of sun with clouds

Clearing has begun!

I have good news to report, my depression is clearing little by little, day by day. My energy level is picking up and I actually got a decent nights sleep last night.  Only woke up a few times so it was a definite improvement!

Today as the day went on, I actually was in a good mood and my energy continued to increase. It was a difference I welcomed with open arms! :)  

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How am I Feeling Now???

I told you all back on 03/04/2012, on post A Worn out Bipolar Mind… that I was slipping into my Hypo-manic state and that I was frustrated by it. I increased medicines then realized wrong direction and a few days later I lowered them a bit and I am now happy to say I am feeling MUCH better. I have never had an episode last that short of a time!

My mind is slowing enough that I can get posts done and organize a bit more.  I have made lists so I am not attempting to keep much in my brain. I have to say I am still just a touch sped up but I actually managed to sleep most of the night last night and I haven’t done that in a while, at least not without some help. lol 

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A Worn Out Bipolar Mind…

Wow, what a day, weekend, well week really. I am exhausted my mind and body are racing and I am Wits end worn out.  I can’t sleep well. I sleep a few hours and wake up and then toss and turn or I wake up constantly, if I do sleep I feel like I was never asleep, my mind doesn’t stop.  Ugh!

I’m thinking about getting some Melatonin to help me get to sleep but not sure it will work and have no money right now anyway. lol   Always the case right. 

Poor Sami, I was so crabby today and got all mad at her while we were driving and then we got a flat tire in the neighbors car.  I have to say we broke down in the best place as these really nice people came out of their house to see if we were ok and her husband changed the tire for us. Renews my faith in people. They were really sweet people and didn’t hesitate to come out and help. As a matter of fact the husband just said lets open the trunk and he changed the tire without hesitation.  Thank you nice people.

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10 Famous People With Bipolar Disorder, The Price of Fame?

I have looked around the internet for information on Bipolar Disorder and People with Bipolar to share with you all.  There are a lot of Creative people who have Bipolar whether it be Bipolar I or Bipolar II.  I wanted to share an article that just lists 10 well-known people who have Bipolar.  I liked this article found it interesting and thought you may also… 


10 Famous People With Bipolar Disorder

The Price of Fame? Image of Vincent Van Gogh


This article is from








Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

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Am I Recovering From my Bipolar Episode??

If you have a mental illness you may understand this, if not you may not but I will try to be clear.  

For me an “episode” is up and down moods, inner anxiety and tenseness, a swirling of anger and emotions, highs (hypo-mania), over spending, not able to concentrate, busy and loud mind, under cleaning and well complete disorganization in all aspects of my life.   I do this rapid cycling thing so this all happens quickly over and over. My stress level gets super high and my blood pressure rises which causes me to be really tense.  This can last days, weeks, months and even years it varies every time.  The good news is this happens to me less than it used to due to my meds. 

This past “episode” lasted about 7 months from May 2011 to December 2011. Well that is if it’s actually subsiding. It’s hard to know as you feel good one day but then can either wake up totally depressed and pissed off the next or the good feeling can keep rising into a further episode of hypo-mania. I’m hoping for a recovery.  

For the last couple days I have felt almost like myself again. A calm happiness is how I describe it.  Being able to almost relax, I say almost cause I NEVER relax. I don’t know if its related to the Bipolar but I NEVER relax fully. Carl has really helped me with that tho as he is a calm easy-going guy and there is never drama of any kind with him. He is so comfortable I almost forget my issues. 

I even asked Carl today if he has noticed a difference in me the last few days and he said he did.  It might be a false recovery but I’m hoping not.  I dislike being unsure all the time about how I am going to wake up, but I hope for the best every day. :) 

When all this started it took me months  to realize I was having an “episode”.  I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t realize it got further than it should have so I didn’t adjust my meds till I was fully gone into the “episode”.  I have adjusted my meds but it takes weeks to months for it to take hold and I have to hope I have adjusted the right ones.  Looks like I may have made the right changes.  Cross your fingers! :)

I am hoping for a nice calm relaxing holiday but I know with my family that’s not likely. LOL 

I wish you all Happy Holidays!

May you find Peace, Joy and Happiness in the coming year!  

May all your dreams come true!


Beginning to Date at 19…

I think I have established my level of depression and I didn’t know myself or like what I new about me! My friend was really bugging me about dating, I was 19 and never been out on a date… “What do I have to offer?” I said to her. I remember her laughing at me, She laughed a lot! She told me I had a lot to offer and we laughed together, how else would I respond?

She fixes me up with this guy, just come over and have dinner with us and him. Can you say Nervous Wreck?! After some coaxing I went, liked the man and dated him a few more times. I wasn’t ready to be intimate with anyone, emotionally anyway, and that what he wanted, so we dated for a short time. I remember I had not returned his call one night. It was late I was asleep, living alone, and I wake up to a banging on my windows and door. Scared me to death! It was him, and he was yelling that I was not being truthful and I had been out that night because my car hood was warm… I had been out to the store earlier and drove around the freeway a bit. At this time I had so much pent-up anger and frustration that I used to go drive around the freeways at 90+ miles an hour to release those feelings. I had been our driving our highways letting off steam! I always said if a man scared me I would never see him again. End of that!

Driving in my car was the only place I felt comfortable! I would drive around at a fast speed, cry and talk to myself in trying to work through my feelings and confusion. This was the only way I could get this rage out that swirled inside me, although it was a temporary fix. Adrenalin Junkie you could say! Today I am grateful that I never hurt anyone or myself in those tirades of driving! Thank you Lord!

I would lay in bed at night crying and hitting the pillow hating the way I felt and unable to control my emotions. This time was difficult for me, all those pent-up emotions from childhood were at the surface and I couldn’t always control it. I hated my mother, yet loved her too. I had night mares of someone holding me down but no one was there. I would wake up and be unable to move or make a sound, this happened many times a night. Yet I would wake up in the morning, go to work and pretend all was OK. Did you ever wonder why can I put on the face all day long and the second I enter my apartment I lose control of every emotion? I have wondered that many times!

Back to dating… I met another guy through my friend again, he was a nice man but I had no idea how to relate to a man. My father was distant emotionally with us kids and although we went with him most weekends he always took us to parties and we would sit in the corner and watch him drink and making a fool of himself. So here I am on a date with a nice man, he was successful and had his own condominium but I couldn’t even talk to him. Had a blank mind the entire time I was with him. I actually slept over at his house, without being intimate and that was really helpful for me but I still couldn’t talk to him. We drank a lot together and his friends were always there. I was VERY against drugs of any form and I was at his house, for a 4th of July party, and the guests were out front smoking pot. That was it for me I left drunk off my butt and barely made it home. Thankfully he lived close by. I never saw him again, he would call and I would tell him I was busy or not answer. It made me sad really, I desperately wanted someone to care about me!

I continued drinking on my own, alone at home. My brother, who was older, would buy me Rum and I would mix it with soda. My drinking was getting worse and I wasn’t eating at all. I had my 20th birthday party and my mother ordered a stripped, how embarrassing was that? I was so drunk that night tho and everyone had a great time, but my drinking was getting worse….