Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson
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OK, so on Tuesday this week I post about how well my week is going with the kids and how happy I am we are having a good time. They are both off school all week and we were enjoying the time, then came Wednesday. 
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On Wednesday I set out with the kids to do some window shopping etc.. My oldest just wouldn’t leave my youngest alone and I don’t know how many times I told her to stop it. My youngest couldn’t say the right thing, couldn’t walk the right way, couldn’t stand in the proper spot when we were all looking at something. There was nothing she did that wasn’t follow by a comment or nastiness from her sister. I told her many times, over and over, to stop it and leave her alone and finally I got to where I was telling her to Shut Her Mouth. Did that stop her, oh no! Then she turns on me and starts griping at me, on and on she went and finally I had enough and I blew my top.
So I am marching them through the store, at a fast pace, telling my oldest that I have had it with her, I was so angry. I yell at her all the way home, telling her how out of line she is and how tired I am that she picks on her sister the way she does. All I wanted was to go out and have some fun, just the three of us. I went on and on about how she just refuses to be happy and has to pick at her sister because of how angry she is with her dad and she takes it out on her sister.. I told her if she didn’t get a grip on her behavior she will start spending some time with her dad like it or not etc. I really let rip. I was so angry, but I have to say rightly so…
I was so angry and upset that I went directly home and went to my room slammed the door and proceeded to go to sleep. I just had to escape the anger and sleeping usually does it. My daughter also went to bed, must run in the family!
I slept for over 2 hours and when I got up my youngest daughter had cleaned the kitchen top to bottom and was so proud of herself. She really is a sweet child and wanted to thank me, in her way, for standing up for her. Both my girls are sweet girls, truly nice people. It’s just that my oldest has so many problems with her dad and her relationship with him is damaged, but my youngest has a good relationship with him. So my oldest is jealous and angry for the different treatment they receive. I really do understand her feelings but none of it is her sisters fault and she doesn’t deserve to be punished for how he treats them.
I really just wanted to have some fun together all three of us but my oldest wasn’t going to allow it. Her dad has texted her and she is really angry. I can’t describe how it feels to sit and watch my daughter be destroyed by her father. The damage he has done is deep and hurts to see happen. I have for years tried to work with them both to help aid this relationship but nothing has helped. My heart aches for my child. I can’t stand to see her hurting so deeply. She tells me often how much she misses her daddy, but things will never be the same again! She deserves so much more! ♥ ♥ ♥
I end this hoping that some day her father will see what he is doing to her and sets things right, if it isn’t too late already. She loves ♥ him so much but he keeps making the same mistakes over and over.
Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit. ~Robert Brault,www.robertbrault.com
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What a child doesn’t receive he can seldom later give. ~P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest
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If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from “If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again”
I do not have the swirling tornado inside me now so that is a big relief. My mother is moving three hours away so she won’t have any power to mess up any relationships and I can get a little distance without hurting her feelings. Big Relief! 