Bipolar2Happiness

A Child’s Broken Heart

Oct 112012

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Yes, I am back on this subject once again. I have to tell you how sad I am for both my girls, yet how proud I am of them for standing up for themselves and for me. Let me recap the situation, if you have read my other posts about the broken father daughter relationship between my oldest daughter and her father you have an idea what I am talking about.

There was another incident with my youngest daughter, her step mom and her father. She spent weeks away from him, not seeing him at all but missed him terribly. The reason was the stress in his home with her step mom and they way she was being treated by said Step mom. I had talked to her and got her to try again with him and see if things might be better. Why? you ask. I don’t know, I was hopeful. Continue reading »

I’m Proud of my Girls

Heart Felt, Random Thoughts, Relationships 1 Response »

May 092012

You all know from some of my older posts that my girls have had quite a struggle with their dad and his new wife since we split back in 2006. Now they are 13 and 16 and they have matured so much, handled so many bad moments, yet they are developing into great people. They are kind and giving. Continue reading »

I still miss them…

Loneliness, Relationships 2 Responses »

Apr 122012

I really thought I would adjust to my kids not being here and focus better to get things accomplished. Nope!! I miss them so very much, Sami called me yesterday and talked to me for a long while. Seems things are going OK with her and her dad and his wife is up to the usual. It seems she just cant help but upset her on purpose. The things she says to her amaze me. Always trying to put a distance between Sami and her dad. So Frustrating! Continue reading »

I Miss Them Already…

Heart Felt, Mental Health, Relationships No Responses »

Apr 082012

My kids just left for an entire week… Yep a week!! I miss them already. I have a ton to do so it won’t be that I will be bored but I will miss them tremendously.

You know, if you have read my earlier posts. that my oldest and her father barely talk but she decided to go with him to another state for a week to see a house he bought there. I was shocked but excited too. I sure hope all goes well and everyone behaves, she needs her dad. Please send positive thoughts to them and hope they heal their relationship. I think this will either make or break the future relationship between Sami and her Dad. Continue reading »

Protected: Not Everyone Should be a Parent…

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Feb 272012

Broken Father Daughter Relationship ♥

Bipolar 2, Depression, Mental Health, Relationships No Responses »

Feb 142012

If you have read some of my other posts about my oldest daughter and her father you will understand this one. If not read through A Broken Relationship.. Father and Daughter.

It’s Valentines day today! My oldest daughter texts me from school as she was upset and needed to come home. I told her to go to the nurse and have her call me and I would come get her. She suffers from Bipolar II disorder, heavy on the depression and I knew this morning she wasn’t feeling happy. There are too many bad feelings bouncing back and forth between her and her father and it has gone on way too long. Continue reading »

Family Drama and Unnecessary BS…

Broken Hearted, Mental Health, Relationships 12 Responses »

Jan 052012

You have probably experienced some of the same Family Drama I do but today really took the cake! I’m sorry this will be a rant!!

My brother asks me to come to lunch with him yesterday, first red flag! I agreed as I love to spend some time with him but thought something was up. We live close by and never see each other.

Backing up a bit.. Until a couple of years ago I did not see my mother. She was banned from my life due to her ‘drama’. She makes everything a stressful situation and pits all our family members against each other. I know your thinking how is that possible, believe me it is.

Back to current day… My brother says to me, “I have a reason for wanting to have lunch today, something I need to talk to you about.” I said, “I thought there was something, whats up?”

This was me!

He tells me that my mother has told my father that I am calling her asking her to move in with me because I need her money to make my bills each month. ”What???” I shriek

More back ground… my mother has used my gas card for 18 months and she has not been paying the bill, I have. The balance was at $1200.00 7 months ago, she had given me the $1200.00 to pay it off. I don’t remember why, but I put $600.00 on the gas card and used the other $600.00. She told me that she was quitting her job that required her to drive so many miles and was costing so much in gas. Well she didn’t quit the job, and has now run the bill up to $2000.00 which is the limit on the card. She lives on Social Security so her income is VERY limited. I’m living on Disability so my income is VERY limited and I have two teenage kids to care for, therefore my father helps us out with money when I need it.

Back to my conversation with my brother… He says, my mother is telling my father that she has paid off this gas card twice in the last year both times at $2000.00 and that I have not paid the card and done something else with the money, she doesn’t know what and she is still paying on the card. Really and where did she get that money to pay it off and if she had money why would she need to use the card, is my question. She was working a sales job that was commission ONLY and never sold anything so she never got paid.

My dad tells my brother and his wife this at Christmas and they were shocked. They knew that was not true. They knew she was not paying the monthly payment and that she had given me the $1200.00 and what I had done with it. They also know that she has run the bill up and is not paying it. My dad says he isn’t sure he should help me out with money as I’m not handling my money properly! They attempted to explain to my dad, who knows my mother rarely tells the truth, that she is lying. He believes her and is upset about it. Thankfully I am open book people close to me know me and know I would never do what she is saying..

Don’t get me wrong… my father is not obligated to help me and I appreciate every bit of help he gives me. I do not expect him to help me. I have struggled since my divorce and rarely make my bills, partly because I must have medicine and psychiatric treatment and so do BOTH my girls. It’s just ridiculously expensive here and I can’t find any work at home jobs to supplement my income.

I am upset that I let my mother back into my life after 6 years of not seeing her and she has done nothing but caused issues, drama and stress for me, my father and my brother. She doesn’t see my brother’s family for the same reason she didn’t see mine, but my brother still talks to her. My father is angry that I even let my mother use my gas card and I can’t believe she told him the lies she did.

I am disappointed! You wonder, Why is she doing this?? Because she wants me to live with her to help us both pay the bills. She is attempting to alienate me and my father so he won’t help me and I won’t have a choice but to live with her. I won’t live with her as I have to keep my stress down and that is not possible with her, everything is stressful with her. She creates problems where there aren’t any and it’s because our family is full of mental illness and people who are in denial and won’t get treatment. My mother is at the top of that list.

My dad was concerned about her coming between him and I when she first came back into my life, she is now going through him to drive us apart. Unfortunately he can’t see it because he still loves her. They have been divorced since I was three but he never remarried only had a couple of relationships and is now alone and plans to stay that way.

I don’t want him to think I have lied to him or taken advantage of him! I want him to know I appreciate everything he does for us! He thinks I am taking advantage of everyone and taking money from her when she has none that frustrates me.

I’m so over it!!

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Thoughts about my Childhood Relationship with my Father…

Happiness, Heart Felt, Relationships 2 Responses »

Dec 142011

Tonight I am thinking about the difficult relationship I had with my father when I was my daughters ages. By age of 16 I no longer saw him and really resented that he was never there for us, or never present.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The last two days have been extremely trying with my teenage girls and their father. Their father tends to return them to my house and refuse to answer their calls and texts when they do something wrong but then he blames me for turning them against him and not letting them come with him… Yep sounds a bit nuts doesn’t it?? I think it is nuts!! How am I responsible for not making them go with their father when he refuses to come get them and drops them back home when they are nasty to him and he doesn’t want to deal with it. I don’t know why he thinks I enjoy dealing with it but he keeps doing it.

Then he texts me that it’s horrible I have turned the girls against him and refuse to make them go with him and he is taking me back to court etc.. I’m usually dumb founded by these contacts from him but whatever.. Anyway, all this crap has made me think about the difficult relationship I had with my father and what that role may have played with me picking my now ex-husband to have children with… hmmm right?

Lets compare them…

Both Hunters
Both unhappy people
Both suffer from depression and other issues
Both are drinkers
Both are very selfish
Neither of them seem to have any parenting skills
Neither seem able to truly love another person and put them first
Neither can communicate successfully in relationships
Both opinionated and always right
Both rarely take responsibility for their life choices
Neither are willing to deal with difficult subjects
Both made their wives/ex-wives raise the children alone (even when still together)
Both were angry about paying child support and give as little as possible
Both tend to lie to make themselves look better to others
Both Blame others for their life issues
Both were controlling as husbands although in different ways
Both were more concerned with what they want in life and not what is best for their kids

I think I married my father… Is that possible after years of struggling for his attention and wanting a relationship with him. Did I actually pick someone just like him??

I had so many dreams for my girls and their relationship with their father. I was sure he would be a good dad even though I raised his son, that was 1-year-old when we got together. I don’t know what I was thinking I really thought he loved his son completely and was a good dad, but when I look back that’s not what I see. Hind site is truly 20/20!!

I have come to believe I chose this man because I still wanted approval from my father (any man works at that stage) that I never got and never will get! I wish at 19 years old we had a Quarter of the sense we have at 40 years old! Would have saved a lot of unhappiness!!

I am happy to be free of that unhealthy relationship but I didn’t realize my girls have that same unhealthy relationship with their father that I did. Why? Because of the person he is and always will be. It is sad!

The father daughter relationship (in my opinion) sets the stage for every relationship a girl has with a man. I’m so glad I have finally learned to accept who people are, respect myself and they must respect me as well!

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“The wise man must remember that while he is a descendant of the past, he is a parent of the future.” Herbert Spencer quotes (British social Philosopher, 1820-1903)

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Further Pain A Broken Relationship Father and Daughter…

Bipolar 2, Broken Hearted, Relationships 4 Responses »

Dec 122011

I am writing further about this because I have written about it before and its a bit of therapy for me. I think it is important people (men) understand how important their relationship is with their children and how those children’s lives are affected by their choices!

On December 30, 2011 my oldest daughter will turn 16. This is a big birthday for a girl and they want everything to be perfect. My father (her grandfather) has offered to pay for a limo and for her to take her friends to a restaurant for dinner and then go cruise around after dinner in the limo etc.

Remember my daughter has not spent any time with her father for over a year, their relationship is in pieces due to his choices in his life and his treatment of his daughter. There have been many attempts by our daughter to reach out to him, she wants him to prove that she is important by spending time alone with her to rebuild their relationship. He has refused to this point and the one time he did take her alone for a couple of hours he spent the entire time texting with his girlfriend and fighting with her. He ignored Sami the entire time. It was uncomfortable for her and she came home angry and hurt.

She has reached out to him so many times in the last 6 years and each time he has disappointed her. This time she reached out to him and he may as well have slapped her face and slammed the door.

Sami called him before school asking if he would consider going to her birthday part alone. She doesn’t want his now wife there. Keep in mind this woman has fought with Sami and competed with her for years for her fathers affection. Sami couldn’t even hug her dad without this woman saying enough of that, why do you always have to touch him. His response to that was nothing but to back away from Sami. No matter what Sami did the same things kept happening, until she eventually stopped going to his house.

So back to the Birthday… He told her he would not go to her birthday without his wife and that he has to consider everyone (to me that’s everyone but his daughter). She is devastated she almost fell over and was sobbing so hard that I could barely hold her up. I held her as long as she would allow and she went and crawled into bed bawling. I couldn’t get her to pull herself together to go to school, she is completely DEVASTATED.

Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

She is still crying, how does a child diagnosed Bipoalr2, heavy depression and anxiety deal with being fully rejected by her father? How could he not consider her feelings or even her illness? How do you not put your child at the very top of your priorities? How do you choose an outsider to your daughter, not just now but when were married and he was cheating, spending weekends at that woman’s house and not with his children? Taking time from them to be with her and her family, how do you do that? How do you stay on the phone telling that woman you love her and allow your child to hear you, while her mother sleeps in the other room? How are you so selfish that your children are not considered in your life choices and how what you do affects them? How do you let them feel like it’s all their fault? How do you let your girlfriend call them names and be downright mean to them and then defend her and dismiss your child’s feelings? How do you blame them directly for your problems and wrong choices?

I hurt for her inside, the pain is unbearable and I can’t even imagine how it is making her feel. How did I choose to have children with someone who could treat them this way. Her heart is broken, so much so she no longer wants her Guinea pig that he gave her. Every time he makes noise she says I want him gone. She has learned now to associate the pet with her father and she can’t stand to look at him, he taught her that… I absolutely am disgusted by this man and I never want to lay eyes on him again. Of course that’s not an option as I have two children.

I Love my girls with all my heart and will always be there for them. No matter what goes on in my life these children are the most important and anyone in my life will have to understand, if they don’t then they won’t stay in my life. My boyfriend, Carl, completely understands this and would have it no other way and I also understand he has a child that is more important too. I have been Blessed by having Carl in my life! I am so thankful!

Now how do I heal my daughter’s heart? Unfortunately, I can’t all I can do is love her through it. I feel so lost and helpless..

I have said this before I do not pray often but I have about this issue, will you please pray for my daughter to find peace and happiness.

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A Broken Relationship and the Holidays…

Depression, Heart Felt, Hope/Inspiration, Relationships 4 Responses »

Dec 092011

I’m sitting here tonight thinking about my oldest daughter and her father. I am dreading the holiday as it will be tense!

Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My daughter misses her daddy, but she rejects him at every turn. At this point she feels he doesn’t love her and when he gives her things he is trying to buy her acceptance. Truly I don’t believe that is what he is doing, he has made so many mistakes I don’t believe he has a clue how to fix it. Unfortunately, he won’t talk to or listen to me about the situation so all I can do is sit and watch the train wreck. A very disturbing thing to have to do.

This has been going on since 2006 and every day my daughter gets more and more angry. Her dad is nice for a short time than nasty for a long time and his inconsistency is really destroying any hope of this getting worked out. How do I get her to just be cordial and say thank you for any gift and not destroy the day or week with her anger? At this point I have tried everything I can think of and nothing helps.

Every time he hurts her or she hurts him it breaks my heart more. Just when I think it can’t get any worse, it does. I hate that he tore our family apart like he did but the way it has torn my daughter’s heart apart kills me.

My wish for the holidays is for there to be a miracle and my daughter’s heart will be healed, she will forgive and restart her relationship with her father.

Too much to ask for? yes probably but that’s what is on my list! I don’t pray all the time except for this one thing, to heal my child’s heart and bring her happiness and her daddy.

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A Broken Relationship.. Father and Daughter

Bipolar 2, Depression, Relationships 8 Responses »

Nov 282011

This was requested by a follower, a little more information on the relationship between my oldest daughter and her father. This is a long post!

This relationship between Samantha and her father has been broken since she heard him on the phone with his girlfriend telling her he loved her while I slept in the other room. She was made to have to wake me and tell me he was on the phone. She was 10 yrs old when this occurred!

Finding her father was cheating on her mother broke her heart and she lost all respect for the man she previously thought the world of, her daddy! This devastated her in many ways. He then began to treat her differently than her sister. Was she more difficult to deal with after that yes, she was angry and disappointed, her vision of her father shattered.

Did he make an effort to heal that relationship? No he did not! He blamed me, her mother, for everything not once in the past 6 years accepting responsibility. Then next thing he did once I moved out of the house to give us both space he brought the girls around this woman. Insisted they accept her, be nice to her and like her. When Samantha was resistant he was mean to her. He at this time was still seeing me and I didn’t know he was seeing her. The kids knew we were working on our relationship and were angered further by this woman’s presence. They did not tell me about it tho, they held it inside and it continued to anger Samantha.

Things naturally got worse between me and their father as I would be at the house and she would call etc.. on Easter that year we spent the day with him and his girlfriend called while i was there. He immediately left the room and had a conversation with her and the neighbors began to let me know when the other woman spent the night, the nights I wasn’t there.

Samantha knew all this because you can’t keep it from them. They listen to everything even things I tried to keep from them they figured out. Samantha’s disappointment and vision of her father continued to deteriorate. Their relationship got worse and he began being really nasty to her. She would tell him she didn’t want to spend the weekend with his girlfriend and he would yell at her at tell her she didn’t feel that way that was coming from her mother. Every time she tried to tell him how she felt he dismissed her feelings. Then that woman moved into the home we were living in as a family before I moved. This house was a rental and there was NO reason he couldn’t have moved. Once again he dismissed how the kids felt.

At every turn Samantha was in trouble for how she felt about the woman and her father and he began to punish her over and over. Then this woman was allowed to be in control in the house and she was mean. Anytime her dad was not in the room she would say horrible things to Samantha. She called her fat, she called her a bitch, she called her spoiled and selfish…this went on and on. Anytime Samantha told her dad he called her a liar and punished her. Her anger grew and grew. He began to act more childish than Samantha, he would say mean things to her. When she would show her anger he would cut her down like his girlfriend did. His girlfriend would go into Samantha’s room and tear it apart and tell her to clean it. Samantha would fight with her and tell her dad and he stood behind the woman no matter what was done or said.

Samantha stopped going to his house around a year and half ago now. He would come to my door to pick up our youngest daughter and would completely ignore Samantha! She would say when he walked away, ‘BYE DAD’ and he would just walk away. He didn’t so much as say hello most of the time. Then once in a while he would be all friendly and she would reject him and he would then be mean to her. He has this look he gives her a very disapproving look and he shakes his head and walks away with out a word. That look does more damage than the nasty words that come out of his mouth. He has continued all this behavior for 6 years now.

At this point he isn’t allowed to come to my door to get my other daughter because the last time he did he got into a screaming match with Samantha in my home. This is my daughters safe zone and I will no longer allow him to abuse her in this space. This is her home and she should feel safe and protected here since she doesn’t feel that way anywhere else.

I have tried for years to help them even got them to go to therapy together but he refuses to meet her half way. He still blames me for his choice to cheat and she can’t stand him now. But we will be driving somewhere and she will break out in tears and say, “Mommy I miss my Daddy.” It breaks my heart!

She will be 16 in December and her father has refused to help pay to have her licensed to drive which cost me $350.00 for the schooling and $33.00 for the Learners Permit. He will not help pay for anything for her and doesn’t interact with her at all. This just makes her hurt deeper and deeper, she doesn’t think he cares and thinks he never did.

She is a shattered girl, her confidence is non-existent and she hates her life. Keep in mind this child has been diagnosed Bipolar2 since she was 8 years old and been treated for depression and anxiety since she was 7. This treatment her father gives her is destroying her, and has made it really challenging to keep her illness under control.

Here I thought we were having a good week…

Depression, Fear, Relationships 4 Responses »

Nov 242011

Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

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OK, so on Tuesday this week I post about how well my week is going with the kids and how happy I am we are having a good time. They are both off school all week and we were enjoying the time, then came Wednesday.

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On Wednesday I set out with the kids to do some window shopping etc.. My oldest just wouldn’t leave my youngest alone and I don’t know how many times I told her to stop it. My youngest couldn’t say the right thing, couldn’t walk the right way, couldn’t stand in the proper spot when we were all looking at something. There was nothing she did that wasn’t follow by a comment or nastiness from her sister. I told her many times, over and over, to stop it and leave her alone and finally I got to where I was telling her to Shut Her Mouth. Did that stop her, oh no! Then she turns on me and starts griping at me, on and on she went and finally I had enough and I blew my top.

So I am marching them through the store, at a fast pace, telling my oldest that I have had it with her, I was so angry. I yell at her all the way home, telling her how out of line she is and how tired I am that she picks on her sister the way she does. All I wanted was to go out and have some fun, just the three of us. I went on and on about how she just refuses to be happy and has to pick at her sister because of how angry she is with her dad and she takes it out on her sister.. I told her if she didn’t get a grip on her behavior she will start spending some time with her dad like it or not etc. I really let rip. I was so angry, but I have to say rightly so…

I was so angry and upset that I went directly home and went to my room slammed the door and proceeded to go to sleep. I just had to escape the anger and sleeping usually does it. My daughter also went to bed, must run in the family!

I slept for over 2 hours and when I got up my youngest daughter had cleaned the kitchen top to bottom and was so proud of herself. She really is a sweet child and wanted to thank me, in her way, for standing up for her. Both my girls are sweet girls, truly nice people. It’s just that my oldest has so many problems with her dad and her relationship with him is damaged, but my youngest has a good relationship with him. So my oldest is jealous and angry for the different treatment they receive. I really do understand her feelings but none of it is her sisters fault and she doesn’t deserve to be punished for how he treats them.

I really just wanted to have some fun together all three of us but my oldest wasn’t going to allow it. Her dad has texted her and she is really angry. I can’t describe how it feels to sit and watch my daughter be destroyed by her father. The damage he has done is deep and hurts to see happen. I have for years tried to work with them both to help aid this relationship but nothing has helped. My heart aches for my child. I can’t stand to see her hurting so deeply. She tells me often how much she misses her daddy, but things will never be the same again! She deserves so much more! ♥ ♥ ♥

I end this hoping that some day her father will see what he is doing to her and sets things right, if it isn’t too late already. She loves ♥ him so much but he keeps making the same mistakes over and over.

Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit. ~Robert Brault,www.robertbrault.com

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What a child doesn’t receive he can seldom later give. ~P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest

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If I had my child to raise all over again,

I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from “If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again”

My Daughter and Anxiety…

Anxiety, Depression 4 Responses »

Nov 162011

Have you ever wondered, is my child really sick or do they have a serious case of anxiety?

That is a question I have asked myself since my youngest daughter’s teacher called me today. She believes that since my daughter received a Step on her Step Card for copying Math homework off a friend, that her anxiety is making her sick to her stomach. My daughter has missed school this entire week due to a sick stomach. She has actually been throwing up semi regularly for those three days. Yesterday, she was fine all day and then when she ate dinner at her dads she got sick and came home early. Her dad says to me that he isn’t sure she got sick at all and that she mentioned me picking her up by 2nd period today from school and when she got home she promptly asked me about that. I told her we would see.

Well this morning her very nice Math teacher called to discuss the incident on Friday with the copying of Math homework and punishment she received that my daughter is scared to go back to school. She thinks the anxiety of it might make her ill. A big bright light bulb went off in my head and I realized she is probably right. So my daughter just got up at 9:30 am and I have to talk to her about it.

It’s this type of thing that makes me worry fully about her mental state. She takes meds for depression and it has helped her tremendously. I think this just shows her mental stability a bit is questionable. Not that kids don’t make themselves sick worrying about things but this has gone on since Sunday afternoon, it is now Wednesday!

I’m not saying she needs more medication but it really tells me a lot about how her mind works. I need help her through this and recognize when she is torturing herself over nothing. We must really pay attention to the cues our kids give us even tho some of them are subtle.

So off I go to talk to her and reassure her everything is fine at school, her teachers understand we all make mistakes and simply want her to learn from it! Wish me luck!!