Bipolar2Happiness

♥Teaching my Teen to Drive ♥

Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Learning 4 Responses »

Dec 082011

I don’t think I have mentioned this before, but my oldest daughter will be 16 on December 30, 2011. Yep roughly three weeks away, Yikes!! She has learned to drive so I thought I might share a bit of the story.

My Daughter will be 16 yrs old this month. Man does that make mama feel old! She has had her drivers permit since August 30, 2011. She has had 6 hours of drivers instruction behind the wheel and a full class on drivers safety etc. We started practicing driving honestly before she had her first lesson. I just took her to a LARGE school parking lot and she drove in circles.

It is important for you to know that my car is a stick shift/manual transmission. It’s not easy to learn to drive much less learning on a car you have to shift and control at the same time. Actually to my surprise she took to it quicker than I thought she would. Remember she is Bipolar2, high anxiety and depression, with the issues I have written about in a earlier post A Broken Relationship.. Father and Daughter, and the 4 yrs. of bullying she went through at school, she has NO confidence left. So I thought it would really take some practicing for her to get the hang of it. Nope it didn’t she took to it very well in a short time. I will tell you that every time she made a mistake or stalled the car she blamed me. I finally had enough of that and we really got into a fight. It is important she understands she is responsible while she is driving and has to think for herself. I think at this point we have that worked out.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Then one day, she was parking the car under our car port and well she had an accident. No one was hurt but she was devastated that she did damage to a wall and the car. She was pulling into our parking spot and you have to let out the clutch enough for it to engage and give it a bit of gas to get it to go into the space and when she started to let out the clutch her foot slipped off the clutch and her other foot, well it hit the gas! Into the wall we went, broke almost all the way through it. Once the car stopped I looked at her and she was crying hysterically and I said, “It’s ok sweetie, its ok.” She responded sobbing ” No it’s not mommy I crashed the car through the wall.” I said, “I know but it’s ok we have insurance.”

I then proceeded to get her out of the car so I could pull it back out of the wall and over the little cement stopper in the parking spot. Neighbors came out as it was a loud crash I just said, “We are learning, I will call the office in a few.” and the neighbors went back inside leaving us to it. Thankfully as she was embarrassed and upset enough she didn’t need an audience and my mom was in the car with us. It would have been better for her if it were just her and I in the car.

This Happened on November 3, 2011! Currently its December 8, 2011 and she has finally started to drive again and doing better than ever, she even went on the Freeway for the first time in my car. I am so proud of her that she is driving again as I wasn’t sure she would ever drive this car again. She was really hard on herself about the accident but finally we have her back and driving again.

She has struggled with anxiety during this time her nerves about driving made her hard to take but I tried to stay calm and just let her do it. She is amazing girl, smart, talented, caring, loving, well just a great person all around. I AM VERY PROUD OF MY BABY!! ♥♥♥♥♥

Picture: Car Accident by Salvatore Vuono via freedigitalphotos.net

Beginning to Date at 19…

Anxiety, Bipolar 2, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Fear, Hope/Inspiration, Loneliness, Mania, Mental Health, Rage, Relationships No Responses »

Oct 042011

I think I have established my level of depression and I didn’t know myself or like what I new about me! My friend was really bugging me about dating, I was 19 and never been out on a date… “What do I have to offer?” I said to her. I remember her laughing at me, She laughed a lot! She told me I had a lot to offer and we laughed together, how else would I respond?

She fixes me up with this guy, just come over and have dinner with us and him. Can you say Nervous Wreck?! After some coaxing I went, liked the man and dated him a few more times. I wasn’t ready to be intimate with anyone, emotionally anyway, and that what he wanted, so we dated for a short time. I remember I had not returned his call one night. It was late I was asleep, living alone, and I wake up to a banging on my windows and door. Scared me to death! It was him, and he was yelling that I was not being truthful and I had been out that night because my car hood was warm… I had been out to the store earlier and drove around the freeway a bit. At this time I had so much pent-up anger and frustration that I used to go drive around the freeways at 90+ miles an hour to release those feelings. I had been our driving our highways letting off steam! I always said if a man scared me I would never see him again. End of that!

Driving in my car was the only place I felt comfortable! I would drive around at a fast speed, cry and talk to myself in trying to work through my feelings and confusion. This was the only way I could get this rage out that swirled inside me, although it was a temporary fix. Adrenalin Junkie you could say! Today I am grateful that I never hurt anyone or myself in those tirades of driving! Thank you Lord!

I would lay in bed at night crying and hitting the pillow hating the way I felt and unable to control my emotions. This time was difficult for me, all those pent-up emotions from childhood were at the surface and I couldn’t always control it. I hated my mother, yet loved her too. I had night mares of someone holding me down but no one was there. I would wake up and be unable to move or make a sound, this happened many times a night. Yet I would wake up in the morning, go to work and pretend all was OK. Did you ever wonder why can I put on the face all day long and the second I enter my apartment I lose control of every emotion? I have wondered that many times!

Back to dating… I met another guy through my friend again, he was a nice man but I had no idea how to relate to a man. My father was distant emotionally with us kids and although we went with him most weekends he always took us to parties and we would sit in the corner and watch him drink and making a fool of himself. So here I am on a date with a nice man, he was successful and had his own condominium but I couldn’t even talk to him. Had a blank mind the entire time I was with him. I actually slept over at his house, without being intimate and that was really helpful for me but I still couldn’t talk to him. We drank a lot together and his friends were always there. I was VERY against drugs of any form and I was at his house, for a 4th of July party, and the guests were out front smoking pot. That was it for me I left drunk off my butt and barely made it home. Thankfully he lived close by. I never saw him again, he would call and I would tell him I was busy or not answer. It made me sad really, I desperately wanted someone to care about me!

I continued drinking on my own, alone at home. My brother, who was older, would buy me Rum and I would mix it with soda. My drinking was getting worse and I wasn’t eating at all. I had my 20th birthday party and my mother ordered a stripped, how embarrassing was that? I was so drunk that night tho and everyone had a great time, but my drinking was getting worse….