This was requested by a follower, a little more information on the relationship between my oldest daughter and her father. This is a long post!
This relationship between Samantha and her father has been broken since she heard him on the phone with his girlfriend telling her he loved her while I slept in the other room. She was made to have to wake me and tell me he was on the phone. She was 10 yrs old when this occurred!
Finding her father was cheating on her mother broke her heart and she lost all respect for the man she previously thought the world of, her daddy! This devastated her in many ways. He then began to treat her differently than her sister. Was she more difficult to deal with after that yes, she was angry and disappointed, her vision of her father shattered.
Did he make an effort to heal that relationship? No he did not! He blamed me, her mother, for everything not once in the past 6 years accepting responsibility. Then next thing he did once I moved out of the house to give us both space he brought the girls around this woman. Insisted they accept her, be nice to her and like her. When Samantha was resistant he was mean to her. He at this time was still seeing me and I didn’t know he was seeing her. The kids knew we were working on our relationship and were angered further by this woman’s presence. They did not tell me about it tho, they held it inside and it continued to anger Samantha.
Things naturally got worse between me and their father as I would be at the house and she would call etc.. on Easter that year we spent the day with him and his girlfriend called while i was there. He immediately left the room and had a conversation with her and the neighbors began to let me know when the other woman spent the night, the nights I wasn’t there.
Samantha knew all this because you can’t keep it from them. They listen to everything even things I tried to keep from them they figured out. Samantha’s disappointment and vision of her father continued to deteriorate. Their relationship got worse and he began being really nasty to her. She would tell him she didn’t want to spend the weekend with his girlfriend and he would yell at her at tell her she didn’t feel that way that was coming from her mother. Every time she tried to tell him how she felt he dismissed her feelings. Then that woman moved into the home we were living in as a family before I moved. This house was a rental and there was NO reason he couldn’t have moved. Once again he dismissed how the kids felt.
At every turn Samantha was in trouble for how she felt about the woman and her father and he began to punish her over and over. Then this woman was allowed to be in control in the house and she was mean. Anytime her dad was not in the room she would say horrible things to Samantha. She called her fat, she called her a bitch, she called her spoiled and selfish…this went on and on. Anytime Samantha told her dad he called her a liar and punished her. Her anger grew and grew. He began to act more childish than Samantha, he would say mean things to her. When she would show her anger he would cut her down like his girlfriend did. His girlfriend would go into Samantha’s room and tear it apart and tell her to clean it. Samantha would fight with her and tell her dad and he stood behind the woman no matter what was done or said.
Samantha stopped going to his house around a year and half ago now. He would come to my door to pick up our youngest daughter and would completely ignore Samantha! She would say when he walked away, ‘BYE DAD’ and he would just walk away. He didn’t so much as say hello most of the time. Then once in a while he would be all friendly and she would reject him and he would then be mean to her. He has this look he gives her a very disapproving look and he shakes his head and walks away with out a word. That look does more damage than the nasty words that come out of his mouth. He has continued all this behavior for 6 years now.
At this point he isn’t allowed to come to my door to get my other daughter because the last time he did he got into a screaming match with Samantha in my home. This is my daughters safe zone and I will no longer allow him to abuse her in this space. This is her home and she should feel safe and protected here since she doesn’t feel that way anywhere else.
I have tried for years to help them even got them to go to therapy together but he refuses to meet her half way. He still blames me for his choice to cheat and she can’t stand him now. But we will be driving somewhere and she will break out in tears and say, “Mommy I miss my Daddy.” It breaks my heart!
She will be 16 in December and her father has refused to help pay to have her licensed to drive which cost me $350.00 for the schooling and $33.00 for the Learners Permit. He will not help pay for anything for her and doesn’t interact with her at all. This just makes her hurt deeper and deeper, she doesn’t think he cares and thinks he never did.
She is a shattered girl, her confidence is non-existent and she hates her life. Keep in mind this child has been diagnosed Bipolar2 since she was 8 years old and been treated for depression and anxiety since she was 7. This treatment her father gives her is destroying her, and has made it really challenging to keep her illness under control.