Alright.. I was reading another Bipolar blog post today.. and she said something that struck me. It was something like, her being tired of all this happy sunshine crap, no one is perfect and it seem disingenuous as we all have a bad day!
I am just going to share my imperfectness, although I am generally a happy person yesterday was a Bipolar day!
Yesterday I go out to my car in the afternoon after not driving it all day and I find damage to the bumper and white paint on the neighbor’s front bumper. No note, no knock on the door nothing! I flipped out! Went and rang the door bell of the neighbor many times until she answered the door and I greet her with, “Which one of you hit my car today and didn’t bother to leave a note or knock on my door?” Said Angrily!! She seemed to have no idea what i was talking about as it is her husband’s car that is parked there today. Did that stop me, NOPE! I continued to get more angry and was down right mean. Then I leave to take the kids to the store and return to drop them off and she comes out and It got worse.
I went off on her as she was making excuses for her husband saying he must not have known he did it etc.. I still don’t believe he didn’t know, but I rant and rave and got in her face.(according to my kids) I don’t remember it that way. Then the manager of the complex we are living in calls me today and tells me I was bullying the neighbor etc.. I argued the point cause honestly I had no idea how bad I was, but when the kids got out of school I asked them about it and my youngest said i wasnt being a bully but my oldest said, “You do owe her an apology, I don’t think you realize how in her face you were.” Very sad moment
I have been stable for a long while and I know my mood hasn’t been good but I had no idea how out of control it is.. so I will be talking to my Psychiatrist about meds this month. Haven’t had to change meds for years, but I think it is time!
My true personality, minus the bipolar swings, is a nice person who wouldn’t want to hurt anyone or scare anyone… so I’m really disappointed today! I have hand written a note to them and will place it on their door as I’m sure they wont answer the door to me after yesterday.
Bottom line… I feel like a heel, and am very embarrassed! How do I make it up to them?