Bipolar2Happiness

School is Almost in Session

Anxiety, Mental Health, Shopping 2 Responses »

Aug 162012

Wow can you believe the summer is almost over! I know we can’t believe it, spent the entire summer closed up in the house being sick. Each one of us getting the flu starting with my youngest the day after they got out of school. She was sick for 3 full weeks then I got it, sick for 3 full weeks and still struggling with the congestion, then my oldest got it, sick for full 3 weeks and still coughing and congested.

My youngest starts back to school 27th of August, and my oldest 04th of Sept, so yesterday we were out all day long shopping for clothes. Spent way too much and were all so exhausted at the end of the day we went to bed at 7pm. Not good for me as I slept for 8 straight hours and woke up at 3:30am. Yikes!! Going to be a NAP day for me! We had a great time shopping, had tons of luck for my youngest and got some good things and good deals for my oldest. My oldest has the worst anxiety and usually we have a real hard time getting clothes for her but we had a fun time and found a few things, Yay! Continue reading »

Those Bipolar Anxiety Moments

Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, Mental Health 2 Responses »

Aug 052012

I recently decided to start looking for a home, well a mobile home. I cannot in anyway afford a true house so this is another option and we have a really nice park in town that I know people who live in and are happy there.

My father will help me with a down payment and I might be able to save as much as 500.00 a month with this move and be out of apartments. Here I was super excited about the prospect of it all and I picked up some flyer’s and needed to call.. Well a week went by and I just couldn’t call. I know nothing about purchasing a home of any form and my anxiety took over.

My boyfriend asked me if I had made any calls and I explained to him, in tears, that I couldn’t get past the anxiety and make the calls. He said, ” I will call for you, I will come over tomorrow and we will call.” and he did just that.. What a great guy. Thank you Carl.

We looked at this one unit that was beautiful. Fully renovated all new appliances and 3 bedrooms in a terrific park. This park is run strictly and kept very clean. There are kids and a great pool but things are orderly and kept nice. It is the premier park in our area.

I was so nervous going to look at the place and of course Carl went with me. I walked in and fell in love with it. It’s beautiful and not like most mobile homes you would imagine. The kids could have their own room and I wouldn’t have anyone above me walking around like elephants at 11pm every night. I am sure that with out Carl helping me I would not have been able to make this contact. The anxiety I have is such a strong force that holds me back from things I have never experienced I try so hard to over come it but in this case it won.

Do you have any anxiety like this or do you know any one who does?? How do you get past it or do you? I am blessed to have good people in my life that help me past this issue, but there are times I miss out on things because of it. Leave me a comment…

Much Love

Shauna

Decisions Made About This Blog

Changes, Mental Health, Review/Giveaway, Sponsor/Affiliate 6 Responses »

Jun 192012

Hi Everyone!

I can see the light again!

I want to let you all know that I have made a decision about this blog. I will no longer carry reviews and giveaways on a regular basis. It has been way too much pressure for me and causing way too much stress for my Bipolar Mind. My mood fluctuations are a direct result of the stress I am under and lately they have been worse than they were for years.

I decided to get back to the reason I started this blog and focus more on that. Now I may do a review of a book or so that fits the description of the blog but the other stuff I am done with. I really thought I could manage it but it really is a hard job with too much stress for me.

I know my doctor will be happy about this.. lol I hope you are too and you understand that I just cannot keep this pace up.

I appreciate you all putting up with my bit of experimenting with my blog and whether I could earn a little income or not. I decided NOT!

Have a great week and I will be posting more soon!! Much love to you all..

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Clairsentient…Post 4

Changes, Clairsentient, Mental Health 1 Response »

May 162012

More on Clairsentient, or the Sensitive Being.

This is what I need about now!

Today I am starting with an essay that was written about Entrainment, called Understanding Entrainment. Keep in mind I am just giving some short bursts of this information, I suggest you to the site to read it if you have any interest. To go to ‘Understanding Entrainment’ click here. It is below the vocabulary section so just scroll down. Continue reading »

Depression and Sleep..

Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, Mental Health 4 Responses »

Apr 252012

This is where I want to be!

I admitted to myself and the world yesterday I am deeply depressed, slipped right into a major depression when I wasn’t looking. I am not sleeping. I sleep but I never really rest, my mind is going like I am awake and I wake up in the morning exhausted with thoughts swirling in my brain. Continue reading »

Trip to the Lab with my Teen.

Anxiety, Fear, Panic Attack 2 Responses »

Mar 202012

I have to share this experience with you for several reasons. First it was kind of funny, second I want to help others understand anxiety and the power it has over your mind and body.

Here it is more than a month after the doctor ordered blood work for my 16 year old. Keep in mind she has a terrible panic/anxiety issue where doctors, hospitals, labs or any kind of x-ray or test are concerned. Her experiences with hospitals and people who could not put in an IV started when she was 3 yrs old. She was hospitalized for a urinary tract infection. Long story! Needless to say I took her to the hospital the doctor told me to take her to when I should have taken her to Children’s Hospital. Anyway, at that time it was discovered that she has a kidney re-flux problem. The tests were invasive and traumatizing and were done annually for several years, until we couldn’t get her through it any longer. She has never been able to get her blood drawn without a full panic attack. Continue reading »

A Worn Out Bipolar Mind…

Bipolar disorder, Mania, Mental Health 1 Response »

Mar 042012

Wow, what a day, weekend, well week really. I am exhausted my mind and body are racing and I am worn out. I can’t sleep well. I sleep a few hours and wake up and then toss and turn or I wake up constantly, if I do sleep I feel like I was never asleep, my mind doesn’t stop. Ugh!

I’m thinking about getting some Melatonin to help me get to sleep but not sure it will work and have no money right now anyway. lol Always the case right. Laughing

Poor Sami, I was so crabby today and got all mad at her while we were driving and then we got a flat tire in the neighbors car. I have to say we broke down in the best place as these really nice people came out of their house to see if we were ok and her husband changed the tire for us. Renews my faith in people. They were really sweet people and didn’t hesitate to come out and help. As a matter of fact the husband just said lets open the trunk and he changed the tire without hesitation. Thank you nice people. Continue reading »

Driving License Test on Monday

Anxiety, Depression, Learning 3 Responses »

Mar 032012

I can’t believe it!! My daughter’s behind the wheel driving test is Monday. We have had to borrow a car from a neighbor for her to be able to take the test because I only have a stick shift. Don’t get me wrong she has learned on my car and drives great but with her anxiety issues she is not able to take the test in my car.

You have to understand she is seriously depressed right now. So much so she has been having a hard time going to school, she is so down, but I force her to go to teach her she has to work through the depression. Unfortunately, what comes with her depression is high anxiety. Anxiety and a behind the wheel test in a stick shift, with a total stranger, are not a good match. Continue reading »

Psych Appointment for my Youngest…

Anxiety, Mental Health, Thankful 5 Responses »

Jan 262012

Well believe it or not it actually happened finally, the appointment that is!!

All in all the doctor was nice, semi thorough so I am hoping things go well. She is a bit annoying, mainly her voice, but nothing to complain about really!! Jessi actually talked to her some answered questions once she was comfortable. She doesn’t like doctors and doesn’t like to talk to people she doesn’t know and really doesn’t want to admit the problems she has so there is always a bit of nudging to get her to speak.. lol Got the refill for her medication and of course it is more costly than with the last insurance it was 90.00 co pay for 90 days worth the pills. Could be worse..

I was able to set an appointment for my oldest Samantha and she will go on Monday at 9am. Not looking forward to the cost on her medication as with the other company it was over 200.00 for 90 day supply, Yikes! Lets hope it isn’t much more than that.. I still don’t think this place is equipped to really give good psychiatric care but we will do what we can to get what the kids need. It was interesting as I told her how Jessi has been lately and how up and down she has been and she says ok I will see you back in three months.. I thought Really?! But what can you expect.. NO real attempt to see her a few times to see how she is really doing just refill the meds and send her on her way. LOL

I must sound hard to please, well I am, where the kids are concerned. Oh, we are also going to see about signing up for a class that will teach her some coping skills for her anxiety.. She has had some pretty good panic attacks over the last few months so I think that might be helpful. I have heard they have decent therapy and classes that can help with certain things so we will check it out and see what it is all about.

I am thankful they finally contacted me and we were able to see a doctor and not go through all the red tape of therapy and evaluations etc.. I want the evaluations but would prefer it be by the doctor that will be treating her. I don’t believe a report in writing is going to tell the doctor much, she needs to evaluate them herself.

Very sorry I didn’t get this done sooner, I spent the day starting to set up a blog at a different place to switch to but there are issues there. Just so you all know I will be moving the blog as I want more functionality so watch for that to happen.. Coming Soon a new look but same address!

~Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
~Louisa May Alcott~

Quote from Inspirational Quotes.

Image: M – Pics / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

New Health Insurance Means New Psychiatrist, Not Good

Anxiety, Bipolar 2, Broken Hearted, Depression, Mental Health 4 Responses »

Jan 062012

I am so annoyed with my ex for changing the girls insurance to a HMO!!

We have always had a PPO health insurance policy, which basically means you can go to any specialist or doctor without approval of any insurance administrator. This was necessary because of the Mental Illness in the family. My oldest, who is 16, has been treated by her current psychiatrist since she was 6. Now my ex decided the PPO plan is too expensive and has gone to a HMO (health management organization).

This HMO has only 1 local center that treats psychiatric problems and there are only two doctors to choose from, we went through many before we found the excellent doctor we have gone to for 10 years. I guess having an insurance policy that will allow our girls to get good proper treatment was too expensive for their father so here we are dealing with a HMO.

I actually have to go to a Parent Orientation before they will set an appointment for my kids to be seen. I don’t know if we have enough medicine to get to that point but I have no choice. So I have to wait till January 11th to go to a horrible part of town and sit through an orientation I don’t need.. then come home call them to make an appointment with one of the two doctors available. I am wondering how many weeks we will have to wait just to get an appointment.

psychiatrist with Patient photo

My girls are so nervous about having to start over with a new psychiatrist and it annoys the crap out of me that their father doesn’t care that they will not get the same type of care from this HMO as they did from their doctor of 10 years. It is difficult for kids to deal with this stuff and when you have an excellent long-term doctor its nerve-racking for them to have to start over.. but hey let’s make sure their dad can save a little money.

I know health insurance is expensive but he has excellent benefits and doesn’t pay as much as you may think. He also got a credit for the full cost of our health insurance when we were together when they calculated the child support. Not just the cost for the girls which he has to continue to carry but the full amount for the family. Technically I am paying for his new wife’s insurance because he got a monthly credit for it by the judge.

I am really scared about how this will go for the kids and I pray we get better treatment than I have heard you get from this particular HMO. Wish me luck!!

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ambro‘s portfolio is:

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1499

The Love of a Mother…

Grateful, Happiness, Heart Felt, Mental Health, Relationships 5 Responses »

Dec 182011

My girls mean the world to me. I have watched them grow into these beautiful young women. I don’t mean beautiful in just the way they look, I mean they are beautiful people inside.

Thoughtful, caring, moral and real is just a few ways to describe my girls. I am very proud of who they strive to be, how much they care for others and how they don’t always think of themselves first. They are not perfect, they make mistakes, they are teenagers so attitude is just part of life now but they are loving people even when they are trying not to be. lol

I have tried to teach them to respect themselves and even tho my oldest is struggling with this due to her lack of confidence, I do believe they will respect themselves as adults and need others do the same. My oldest especially since she requires that from her father even though she doesn’t get the respect she deserves as a person from him!

My oldest is smart, beautiful, sensitive, caring, thoughtful and very capable of anything she wishes in life. She suffers with Bipolar2 Disorder just like I do but she has been treated since she was young and I believe it will not keep her from being a very successful woman! I believe she will end up in a field that helps others. She is excited about the prospect of driving and getting a job. I believe a job would do wonders for her confidence level! She is creative and a bit artsy! She is full of anxiety at times but doesn’t let it cripple her! She is still a bit shy but that has improved every year. She is amazing to me and deserves the best out of life!

My youngest is a complete opposite of my oldest, from their looks to their personalities! She is full of energy, never stops moving and talking. She is a smart girl but things don’t come easy for her in school like my oldest. She works hard and gets great grades. She has a serious Anxiety issue developing and suffers with depression. She has been treated for a couple of years now for the depression but the anxiety, although it has always been there, has developed into a disorder lately! She is confident and outgoing and a social butterfly. She is starting to have boyfriends and, as I have always known, will be a teenager to keep an eye on. lol She is very capable, thoughtful, caring, has tons of friends and feels bad when she does something wrong. She is a people pleaser! She strives to be a good person and therefore she is! She loves and accepts people for who they are, although she is easily hurt by others it doesn’t keep her from moving forward. Just like my oldest she is amazing. She is a terrific person and a beautiful girl! I couldn’t be more proud of her!

I love my girls with all my heart and have always tried to think of them as PEOPLE, they are not just kids they are small adults in the making and they deserve respect and caring. I find so many parents treat kids as if they really aren’t people they just want to rule them and that isn’t healthy for any child! We are here to correct them and teach them but we don’t rule them, they have their own feelings and although we may not always agree with the way they feel they deserve to be respected and treated fairly. We must as parents take their feelings into consideration when we make decisions in our lives. Every move we make affects them and it is our job to consider them as well!

We should know them well enough to know how our decisions will affect them and consider that every time we change something in our lives. I believe honesty is the most important thing in your relationship with your kids. How do we teach them to be open and honest yet lie to them about things in their lives. It doesn’t work that way!

I love my girls and I hope that they always remember that no matter what happens in their lives!

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

digitalart’s portfolio is:
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2280

*****THIS POST HAS BEEN RE-POSTED AND IMPROVED BY JASON AT JASON’S SPINA BIFIDA JOURNEY. CLICK HERE TO SEE IT! THANK YOU JASON!! xx HUGS!!! ******

♥Teaching my Teen to Drive ♥

Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Learning 4 Responses »

Dec 082011

I don’t think I have mentioned this before, but my oldest daughter will be 16 on December 30, 2011. Yep roughly three weeks away, Yikes!! She has learned to drive so I thought I might share a bit of the story.

My Daughter will be 16 yrs old this month. Man does that make mama feel old! She has had her drivers permit since August 30, 2011. She has had 6 hours of drivers instruction behind the wheel and a full class on drivers safety etc. We started practicing driving honestly before she had her first lesson. I just took her to a LARGE school parking lot and she drove in circles.

It is important for you to know that my car is a stick shift/manual transmission. It’s not easy to learn to drive much less learning on a car you have to shift and control at the same time. Actually to my surprise she took to it quicker than I thought she would. Remember she is Bipolar2, high anxiety and depression, with the issues I have written about in a earlier post A Broken Relationship.. Father and Daughter, and the 4 yrs. of bullying she went through at school, she has NO confidence left. So I thought it would really take some practicing for her to get the hang of it. Nope it didn’t she took to it very well in a short time. I will tell you that every time she made a mistake or stalled the car she blamed me. I finally had enough of that and we really got into a fight. It is important she understands she is responsible while she is driving and has to think for herself. I think at this point we have that worked out.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Then one day, she was parking the car under our car port and well she had an accident. No one was hurt but she was devastated that she did damage to a wall and the car. She was pulling into our parking spot and you have to let out the clutch enough for it to engage and give it a bit of gas to get it to go into the space and when she started to let out the clutch her foot slipped off the clutch and her other foot, well it hit the gas! Into the wall we went, broke almost all the way through it. Once the car stopped I looked at her and she was crying hysterically and I said, “It’s ok sweetie, its ok.” She responded sobbing ” No it’s not mommy I crashed the car through the wall.” I said, “I know but it’s ok we have insurance.”

I then proceeded to get her out of the car so I could pull it back out of the wall and over the little cement stopper in the parking spot. Neighbors came out as it was a loud crash I just said, “We are learning, I will call the office in a few.” and the neighbors went back inside leaving us to it. Thankfully as she was embarrassed and upset enough she didn’t need an audience and my mom was in the car with us. It would have been better for her if it were just her and I in the car.

This Happened on November 3, 2011! Currently its December 8, 2011 and she has finally started to drive again and doing better than ever, she even went on the Freeway for the first time in my car. I am so proud of her that she is driving again as I wasn’t sure she would ever drive this car again. She was really hard on herself about the accident but finally we have her back and driving again.

She has struggled with anxiety during this time her nerves about driving made her hard to take but I tried to stay calm and just let her do it. She is amazing girl, smart, talented, caring, loving, well just a great person all around. I AM VERY PROUD OF MY BABY!! ♥♥♥♥♥

Picture: Car Accident by Salvatore Vuono via freedigitalphotos.net

Dinner Out and Anxiety…

Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Mental Health 8 Responses »

Dec 052011

Have you ever seen an adult or child out in a Public place with a blank stare, staring straight forward and looking really unhappy? They have that look like they are trying to disappear into the back ground and they don’t make eye contact at all.

That was my daughter this last Friday night when we went to dinner with some friends. Unfortunately the restaurant choice was a noisy, crazy, fun and somewhat obnoxious place. It is a fun place but my daughter, who is 15, has serious anxiety and is Bipolar2, couldn’t take it.

Of course all the adults in the area kept trying to talk to her and the waiter was down right picking at her because she was so blank. Really, she was petrified and every person that insisted on talking to her and trying to make her smile made it ten times worse but how do you tell people to stop with out embarrassing her? I have never over the past 10 years had any way to tell people to stop with out it being an issue and them wanting further explanation. If you explain its anxiety they don’t understand and want more information, which turns into a full discussion and embarrasses her.

So on this occasion I decided to start the fun. I picked up a napkin, wadded it up and threw it at my other daughter. See this restaurant you throw napkins around and do whatever make a huge mess. That started everyone at the table throwing napkins at each other and then expanded to the other people seated in the area. Before I knew it the entire room was throwing napkins and wearing funny paper hats the waiters were making for them. The waiters and waitresses were throwing entire packages of napkins into the air and they were falling like large snow flakes. It was a ton of fun.

But there was my daughter still sitting in the same place with a blank look on her face and now she is annoyed as she has no tolerance for fun silly stuff when she feels that way. At least not everyone was watching her and wondering what was wrong and there were no conversations on the fact that she has terrible anxiety and has since she was 5.

I just try to talk to her and keep her present and calm but she didn’t even eat dinner we took her meal home, she just couldn’t do it! When we got home she was exhausted, that is what that type of anxiety will do to you. She went straight to bed and slept late the next day!

I hope that if you see anyone this uncomfortable you won’t keep at them if they don’t respond. I completely understand why people talk to her at first because they want to help but when she doesn’t respond I wish people would let her be. If there was something to be done to help her I would have already done it!!

Information

This is a link to NIMH statistics on anxiety in children http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/1ANYANX_child.shtml

Facts & Statistics From Anxiety Disorders Association of America

Did You Know?

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18% of U.S. population).
Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about one-third of those suffering receive treatment.
Anxiety disorders cost the U.S. more than $42 billion a year, almost one-third of the country’s $148 billion total mental health bill, according to “The Economic Burden of Anxiety Disorders,” a study commissioned by ADAA (The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry,60(7), July 1999).
- More than $22.84 billion of those costs are associated with the repeated use of health care services; people with anxiety disorders seek relief for symptoms that mimic physical illnesses.
People with an anxiety disorder are three to five times more likely to go to the doctor and six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders than those who do not suffer from anxiety disorders.
Anxiety disorders develop from a complex set of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life events.

Am I Recovering From my Bipolar Episode??

Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Happiness, Hope/Inspiration, Mania, Mental Health, Rage 9 Responses »

Dec 042011

If you have a mental illness you may understand this, if not you may not but I will try to be clear.

For me an “episode” is up and down moods, inner anxiety and tenseness, a swirling of anger and emotions, highs (hypo-mania), over spending, not able to concentrate, busy and loud mind, under cleaning and well complete disorganization in all aspects of my life. I do this rapid cycling thing so this all happens quickly over and over. My stress level gets super high and my blood pressure rises which causes me to be really tense. This can last days, weeks, months and even years it varies every time. The good news is this happens to me less than it used to due to my meds.

This past “episode” lasted about 7 months from May 2011 to December 2011. Well that is if it’s actually subsiding. It’s hard to know as you feel good one day but then can either wake up totally depressed and pissed off the next or the good feeling can keep rising into a further episode of hypo-mania. I’m hoping for a recovery.

For the last couple days I have felt almost like myself again. A calm happiness is how I describe it. Being able to almost relax, I say almost cause I NEVER relax. I don’t know if its related to the Bipolar but I NEVER relax fully. Carl has really helped me with that tho as he is a calm easy-going guy and there is never drama of any kind with him. He is so comfortable I almost forget my issues.

I even asked Carl today if he has noticed a difference in me the last few days and he said he did. It might be a false recovery but I’m hoping not. I dislike being unsure all the time about how I am going to wake up, but I hope for the best every day.

When all this started it took me months to realize I was having an “episode”. I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t realize it got further than it should have so I didn’t adjust my meds till I was fully gone into the “episode”. I have adjusted my meds but it takes weeks to months for it to take hold and I have to hope I have adjusted the right ones. Looks like I may have made the right changes. Cross your fingers!

I am hoping for a nice calm relaxing holiday but I know with my family that’s not likely. LOL

I wish you all Happy Holidays!

May you find Peace, Joy and Happiness in the coming year!

May all your dreams come true!

Another One of “Those Days”….

Anxiety, Bipolar 2, Depression, Fear, Relationships 8 Responses »

Nov 302011

Today turned out to be a stressful day. It seems that the pressures of my life and my dysfunctional mind is really getting to me.

If you have read my other stuff you can probably see that I put undue pressure on myself. Especially where it comes to helping others! Well I help anyone with almost anything whether it fits into my life or not…and once again another friend let me down. Wasn’t the end of the world but it really left me hurt and depressed. No need to get into it now!

I don’t usually expect people to return favors of any kind, I find it easier to not expect it but when you are a good friend to someone and you help them with a lot, it can really let you down when they don’t think of you. Especially at this time of the year!

I expect someone, I call a friend, to actually be a friend to me on a similar level I am to them. Lesson learned, people are who they are and you can’t give them more credit than they deserve, lower your expectations and you won’t be hurt. ♥♥♥

I had a major melt down today! My friend let me down and it hurt me and then I talked to my mother. She is fighting with her landlord and is sure he will be telling her to move, but she thinks he is being extra nasty now to try to drive her out so he doesn’t have to evict her. Keep in mind my mother is living on 930.00 a month, you can’t get an apartment for that bit much less anything else. Her and I have always had a difficult relationship. Today she tells me she is going to confront the landlord and ask him if he is going to make her move. I freaked I said, “Oh, no you won’t. listen I can’t take you in now I have enough going on I can’t make my rent and we don’t get along.” I kept telling her don’t you dare, you ride this out till we can figure out where your moving to.” She says she is planning on living in her car. That conversation continued till she got really mad and said, in a nasty tone, I will talk to you later I’m sure your busy, or something like that. :(

My daughter is home sick I’m worried about her.. waiting to hear from her father who is asking his doctor if he will see her as my doctor is not open today. Then I get a text from his new wife telling me he isn’t available and to try not to get mad that she is texting me. Too Late! So I had to get her out of bed and get her dressed to leave.

Then I get a call from a creditor, yes my bills are behind because of my limited income. Not an easy time for me. Kills me to pay things late. But to go a bit further I’m also short for rent that is due on the first about 75.00 short. I have turned in all my recycling and took the coins to the bank but still, I’m short. This really scares me, I have to pay rent or I might lose it!!

My partner on the website is attempting to talk to me and I have all this on my mind and can’t concentrate can’t remember my passwords or even my name as all I can think of is whats going on around me and my finances. Swirling Bipolar Mind!!

Left the doctor, thankfully my daughter isn’t seriously ill and he gave her antibiotics that will hopefully help her. I have her call her dad on the way home to tell him the outcome of the doctor appointment, he tells her that during work he had an accident. He is a truck driver for a large company, delivers equipment. Sounds like his fault and the company he works for has been looking for a reason to fire him so I am assuming he will lose his job. Which means NO Insurance for the kids, and where is the child support going to come from that I rely on each month. Not to speak of the medicine costs and doctors visits that are required due to our mental health issues.

Ok so you can see my mind is swirling and by the time I was at the high school picking up my daughter, I’m losing it! What do I do? I call my mom thinking I could vent to her as I don’t know who else to call and what does she do?? She complains non-stop about her landlord and issues till I interrupt her and blurt everything out. Not helpful because by the time I got it out and upset my daughter was at the car with her teenage attitude. She immediately tells me in that teenager attitude voice to move my wallet. I’m wound so tight by then that I tell my mom I have to go and hang up. Then my daughter says, “whats your problem?” This is great… I continue to rattle off every problem I have from the website and not having enough time to the fact that we can’t make rent and we have no milk..LOL :( Poor kid I dumped it all out in the car and she didn’t know what to do… She just sat quietly.

Do you hear the wind-up happening??? Oh yes and it gets better… I get home and Carl calls and he immediately asks,”are you ok??” Yep I answered honestly and began to cry. Told him everything that is bothering me and that I’m falling apart. He really didn’t know what to say but he offered me money, I of course said, “No thank you I will work it out.” He is a great guy really. ♥♥ He patiently listened and when I apologized for losing it like that he said well we all do it. I let stuff get to me too and sometimes it just seems like it won’t stop coming at you.

I then recovered and asked him about his day etc and laughed about my breaking down.

I was so upset then I try to sit down to work on the site and blog and I just can’t do it so I tell Sonya I am losing it and have to go. Then I hung out with the kids and made some pizza and here I am. Still stressed and attempting to function.. Oh Happy Holiday Season from a Bipolar mind! :)

You just gotta chuckle at it all don’t ya? ♥

Continued: Anxiety and Trouble at School

Anxiety, Fear, Heart Felt, Mental Health 6 Responses »

Nov 182011

Well If you have read my other two posts My Daughter and Anxiety and Continued Anxiety and my Daughter you have an idea of how much anxiety my youngest has dealt with, well here is an update!

Today I called the school at 7am to see if I could set up to where I would be at the meeting Jessica had to have with the Vice Principle at school. I just wanted to be there to support her and her anxiety about it was so bad that she was making herself ill again. Never been in trouble at school and had no idea what would happen!

We met him at 7:40 10 min before school was to start and he wanted the teacher to be there as well. We talked about it all and I explained it wasnt the teachers fault but Jessi had admitted to cheating when she swears she wasnt. I understand she has to be treated like she is guilty as she said she was.. Well we waited, and waited but the teacher never came to the meeting. Jessi has math assessment tests today and that was her first period class so now she is late for that class. Her math teacher called while we were meeting to tell Jessi that she can stay in her class during science to finish the testing if need be. Which is good because that’s the class where she is being punished for Cheating on a test.

Once she relaxed the Vice Principle and I decided we would not wait any longer and he walked her to class. Jessi had relaxed and I think the anxiety for today might have passed. Yay!! I came home and went a step further. I decided I may have mishandled the conversation with her teacher. I upset her and couldn’t shake that feeling so I typed up a nice email explaining and apologizing for mishandling our conversation and sent it to the teacher.

I do still believe Jessi didn’t cheat on the test (she did cheat on the homework tho) but really we will never know! I’m OK with that as I think this anxiety she has is a good sign. She has a conscience and she will not do wrong again with her work. We all make mistakes and I believe she has learned from this experience!

So here I am reading a website called DamnYouAutoCorrect.com and laughing as my stress level so needs to decrease! I’m exhausted!! lol :) Hope you all have a great weekend and a nice holiday coming up!

Continued… Anxiety and My Daughter…

Anxiety, Depression, Fear 3 Responses »

Nov 172011

Today was a hard day for my youngest daughter and me. She went back to school after being out for three full days and promptly got another talking to by her teacher. It seems that her teacher decided she cheated on a test, not hard to understand how, but when she questioned Jessi about it she panicked and told the teacher she was the one who cheated. The minute the teacher confronted her with the accusation she began a full-blown panic attack. Yep full-blown panic attack.

Jessi managed to sit through the rest of the class but by the time she got to her next class she was visible sick. She was pale, having a hard time breathing and visibly upset. She was scared and her next teacher noticed she didn’t look good and sent her to the nurse’s office. The nurse knew she had been out of school 3 days this week and allowed Jessi to call me. I thought maybe she just needed to eat something so I took her some peanut butter crackers. She ate one but she was visible ill so I talked to her about what was wrong. I told her I thought she was having anxiety and I needed to know what was wrong but she insisted nothing was wrong. So I took her home. We talked a lot but she insisted she had no idea why she was so panicked and upset.

Then about 20 minutes after we were home she says to me, “mom I think I may know whats wrong.” I said, “OK honey, what is it?” She proceeds to tell me that her teacher accused her of cheating on a test and that she didn’t cheat, but she told the teacher it was her that cheated. Not sure why because she insists she didn’t cheat on the test. She admits to cheating on the homework but swears she didn’t cheat on the test.

So I called the teacher to discuss it, after Jessi told me that the teacher told her she didn’t believe she was sick and she is not dumb she knows why Jessi hasn’t been at school . That was not a good thing as that made me angry. This child has thrown up off and on for 3 days, who is this teacher to say she wasn’t sick without talking to me. So basically that’s what I told the teacher. Of course she swears she would never say that to her and began to cry. I thought are you kidding me! The teacher goes on and on refusing to let me talk and bawling and then tells me its her birthday and she was having a good day until now. Guilt trip anyone! ugh!

So I told her Jessi and I wanted to meet with her to clear the air because Jessi is really upset about facing her again. So I wanted to meet with her in the morning but she can’t do that, Jessi is going to have to find a way through her day. I hope she makes it!!

I ended up hanging up the phone completely upset and confused about what to believe. My daughter has lied before but this teacher has a reputation for not being very nice. Jessi and I talked a lot today and she is insistent she didn’t cheat on the test, she was copying homework but didn’t cheat on the test. Since Jessi has been accused and admitted to cheating on the test she has to meet with the vice principal and is really freaked out about meeting with him. The world of the unknown is very scary for someone with anxiety! I will have to let you all know what happens next.. Stay Tuned! :)

My Daughter and Anxiety…

Anxiety, Depression 4 Responses »

Nov 162011

Have you ever wondered, is my child really sick or do they have a serious case of anxiety?

That is a question I have asked myself since my youngest daughter’s teacher called me today. She believes that since my daughter received a Step on her Step Card for copying Math homework off a friend, that her anxiety is making her sick to her stomach. My daughter has missed school this entire week due to a sick stomach. She has actually been throwing up semi regularly for those three days. Yesterday, she was fine all day and then when she ate dinner at her dads she got sick and came home early. Her dad says to me that he isn’t sure she got sick at all and that she mentioned me picking her up by 2nd period today from school and when she got home she promptly asked me about that. I told her we would see.

Well this morning her very nice Math teacher called to discuss the incident on Friday with the copying of Math homework and punishment she received that my daughter is scared to go back to school. She thinks the anxiety of it might make her ill. A big bright light bulb went off in my head and I realized she is probably right. So my daughter just got up at 9:30 am and I have to talk to her about it.

It’s this type of thing that makes me worry fully about her mental state. She takes meds for depression and it has helped her tremendously. I think this just shows her mental stability a bit is questionable. Not that kids don’t make themselves sick worrying about things but this has gone on since Sunday afternoon, it is now Wednesday!

I’m not saying she needs more medication but it really tells me a lot about how her mind works. I need help her through this and recognize when she is torturing herself over nothing. We must really pay attention to the cues our kids give us even tho some of them are subtle.

So off I go to talk to her and reassure her everything is fine at school, her teachers understand we all make mistakes and simply want her to learn from it! Wish me luck!!

Older Entries