Have you ever been really depressed? I mean truly depressed where everything is an effort, just breathing feels like too much to bother with and you are fighting to keep a positive outlook on life?
That’s been me the last
couple Few months! Up and down moods and energy levels, its exhausting, but I know it’s just my illness so I have to remember this isn’t my life or my attitude it’s just A part of life. It’s a part I would like to leave behind but it will always be with me. I get to feeling better than I wake up feeling that churning inside and a heavy head of racing thoughts…
Then I have to think about every thought so I can stop the negative self hating ones. I have to remind myself that isn’t reality, I don’t deserve to be treated that way by anyone especially myself. When I do this it can really affect my relationships with people and my overall attitude about life. I have to repeat to myself, I AM CHOOSING HAPPINESS!!
Now I know a lot of you are thinking she is fooling herself and you are either happy or you’re not, well I know I can choose to be happy. Do I have everything I want in my life? No… Do I have what is necessary in life? Yes I do. Am I a good person who cares about others and wants to help people out with their troubles? Yes I am.. Do I live a good and moral life? Yes I do and I have to repeat that to myself a lot and I have to tell myself to stop those thoughts. Those thoughts are my illness not me and I can’t let it take over…
The days of bipolar depression having control are over, it will affect me and the people in my life at times but I won’t let it rule me!! I will be the better person I know I am!! Do you have to tell yourself what your thankful for in your life? Does it help you?
OK we all know I will have bipolar days and weeks and even months but I can’t define myself by it and that’s why I find it helpful to counter those negative thoughts and the self hate that comes from the depression.
Do you struggle with these thoughts as well? How do you handle them? Do you even notice when you’re doing it? Do you tell yourself to stop? How does it affect you?