A depressed man sitting on a bench

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever been really depressed?  I mean truly depressed where everything is an effort, just breathing feels like too much to bother with and you are fighting to keep a positive outlook on life? 

 

That’s been me the last couple  Few months! Up and down moods and energy levels, its exhausting, but I know it’s just my illness so I have to remember this isn’t my life or my attitude it’s just A part of life.  It’s a part I would like to leave behind but it will always be with me.  I get to feeling better than I wake up feeling that churning inside and a heavy head of racing thoughts… 

Then I have to think about every thought so I can stop the negative self hating ones.  I have to remind myself that isn’t reality, I don’t deserve to be treated that way by anyone especially myself.  When I do this it can really affect my relationships with people and my overall attitude about life.  I have to repeat to myself, I AM CHOOSING HAPPINESS!!  

Now I know a lot of you are thinking she is fooling herself and you are either happy or you’re not, well I know I can choose to be happy.  Do I have everything I want in my life? No… Do I have what is necessary in life?  Yes I do.  Am I a good person who cares about others and wants to help people out with their troubles?  Yes I am.. Do I live a good and moral life? Yes I do  and I have to repeat that to myself a lot and I have to tell myself to stop those thoughts.   Those thoughts are my illness not me and I can’t let it take over… 

The days of bipolar depression having control are over, it will affect me and the people in my life at times but I won’t let it rule me!!  I will be the better person I know I am!!  Do you have to tell yourself what your thankful for in your life? Does it help you? 

OK we all know I will have bipolar days and weeks and even months but I can’t define myself by it and that’s why I find it helpful to counter those negative thoughts and the self hate that comes from the depression. 

Do you struggle with these thoughts as well?  How do you handle them? Do you even notice when you’re doing it?  Do you tell yourself to stop?  How does it affect you?  

Share

2 comments on “Mood Swings are Exhausting…

  1. Paul

    I can totally relate to not letting BP take control. I had been doing so well with not really needing to worry about BP for about 6 months or so and then, I hit a funk. It’s been about 6/8 weeks that I have been back to fighting it. I have pretty much done everything I can think of in my little self help toolbox and I push myself to not let it take over. Having said that, I do think that you do have to give in for a short while. It takes so much energy to keep fighting and I do believe that it can make you worse if you don’t drop your defences and just let nature take it’s course for a day or so… but be ready to come back fighting when your batteries are recharged.

    Keep Strong!

    1. Shauna Smith Post author

      Hi Paul.. Yes you might be right about giving in for a day or so.. It just scares me I am a single mom and I cant let it win.. I have an appt with the psychiatrist tomorrow so we will see what he thinks.. He is a great doctor so Im sure we can figure out what to do… I would like to crawl in bed for two days lol but not time for that… Thanks for your kind words and You Stay Strong as well!! Im sure we will pull thru this time!! :) Thank you

Leave a reply

required