Life Values and Bipolar Limitations…

posted in: Anxiety, Bipolar 2, Depression | 17

This is part of a comment from a blog called Thebipolarproject… and the reason for the topic of this post! I suggest you check out her blog! 

I think you have it quite tough because you have a lot of responsibilities, you have children and extra stresses and difficulties. That’s a lot to juggle, and I admire your ability to keep pushing on. I would love to know more about what you value in life, what is important to you and the limitations that you do have and how you work within them (or not!) – Maybe a topic for a post on your blog? 

I’m not sure how to answer that but here is my best try at it; I value high morals, always do the right thing, always think of others, always make up for what mistakes you make, own your actions don’t blame others, work as hard as you can to be the BEST person you possible, don’t accept less than your best and be the best parent you can, your forming adults and they must know your values!  Help others in whatever way you can but don’t accept abuse from them. You must respect yourself or you won’t be happy!

With my illness I find it important to surround myself with positive people. Those that don’t make drama out of nothing and those that care about others. That doesn’t mean I don’t help those that don’t appreciate my help but I will only do what I can and if it affects my life, my kids, my world in a negative fashion it has to be stopped.  I have been mistreated many times but I can’t usually help myself until it affects me in a negative way.  Then I realize I’m not helping anyone and just sacrificing my stable moods so I have to stop.  I don’t help anyone with any expectation of getting anything in return, except respect of my life and my feelings.  

I do my best to not judge people, I don’t know what their life is like and I am not in their shoes so I try not to judge. Am I always successful at that, NO we all have those moments that we later realize we were being unfair, we are human. 

I have severe mood swings and anger at times and I have lit into people unnecessarily but I always regret it, the rage that comes with my illness sometimes takes over.. like the incident with my neighbor that I wrote about in a earlier post.  I always apologize and I  feel horrible about it as that rage isn’t who I really am, it’s a symptom of my illness that I work hard to control.

The number one most important thing in my life is my Children.  My two girls mean the world to me and I have worked hard for years to control my illness and change my negative thought processes to a more positive way of thinking and I am hoping they will be better people for it just as I am. 

My limitations you ask.. there are many! Number one I cannot work! The stress of a job sends me over the edge every time, it undoes my stability and pushes me into a world of depression and anger. I get lost in the swirling of my Bipolar Mind.  It takes a lot out of me daily to control my symptoms and live normally. I have to watch my feelings , reactions and level of happiness constantly, because any change could mean a big mood change in my life.  It’s difficult to not be able to work, money is a huge issue. Here I am on the third of January with not enough money to pay rent, turning in my recycling and collecting it from others to attempt to make it one more month. It’s difficult with two teenage girls who also have depression issues that have to be treated. I also have to watch them and their lives and reactions and such to make sure they aren’t falling over the edge and get them to the doctor when they are.. I must have the money to buy their medicine which is quite expensive even with insurance.

When you are depressed, which we always are, its hard to get up each day and get two depressed teenagers out of bed, ready, off to school and deal with all their weird morning quirks etc. I love them and I do it because I do love them, they have to see that you can’t let the depression rule your life. Really depression is just a fact of our life and we have to set up our lives and limits around it. If our anxiety is high then we don’t go shop that day or where ever we would normally go but we will push our way out the next day.

I can’t go into big crowds most days and my oldest daughter can’t either as our anxiety is high, we have a difficult time going some where we have never been before or talking with someone we have never talked to before. The anxiety is crippling if we give into it.

Since this post is getting so long I think I will stop there… Maybe I can expand on things further in another post.  There are so many accepted limitations that it isn’t easy to know what mine are in comparison to others anymore. :)

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17 Responses

  1. Excellent post, Shauna!

  2. You nailed it! I admire you!

    • Thank you.. I have just been looking at your blog.. I love it!! I am following you now! I appreciate your nice comment and come back anytime.. :)

  3. Christy Ann

    Oh wow, I can relate to this so much! I have not been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, only lifelong depression, but it sounds so similar. Thanks for sharing this article!

    • Thank you.. its funny but every ones symptoms are similar and different. If I didnt have the highs I wouldn’t be considered bipolar. But I do so I am.. unfortunately those high are infrequent and don’t last long and are always followed by a low that is not pretty.. :) But we get thru it one day at a time! I added you to my blog roll too.. ;)

  4. Mercurial

    You nailed it, Shauna. The stresses are two-fold (and more), because this illness doesn’t just effect how you act & react, but your basic daily functioning in the “real world”. Those limitations mean truly valuing every positive experience, and (at least in my experience) being hyper sensitive to how I’m effecting other people. I make mistakes, constantly, but when I lash out OR hide out, I am always ready to let those around me know why and/or apologize.

    Well written!

    • Wow Thank you for your kind words, and your understanding its so nice to know we are not alone!! It is true cause the anxiety makes me hyper sensitive to how Im acting and what others think but I have to make an effort to stop that thought process when it starts so I have to be well aware of my thoughts which with a Bipolar mind is not easy to do… its nice to know people understand what Im saying tho.. Thank you :)

  5. Hi Shauna,

    Thanks for writing this post, you answered my questions very well. It’s great to see you know what your limitations are, what you value and what you need to do to behave consistently with your values. All the best for the New Year. I hope this one will be good for you and your girls xx

    • Oh good I was hoping I was answering it properly.. lol Every year is great just some better than others.. I try to cherish the time I have with the kids as they are getting older and will soon have their own lives… Happy New year and I hope this year brings you happiness and fulfillment beyond expectations.. Hugs

  6. Constant prayers to you and your children. I know the struggles you face individually, and I can’t imagine having to do your routine with depression x2. ((HUGS))

    • Hi Amberr.. Well we have been doing it for many years and it just gets easier really. Its a matter of taking the power from the depression and just get on with it… My oldest has been in treatment since she was 6 so its been a long road to 16 yrs old.. lol :) all in all she is doing well and so am I.. it certainly could be worse!! thank you for the friendship.. Hugs

  7. Thanks for being so honest in reviewing your daily struggles. I have found that sometimes just reading about someone else’s journey, even if i don’t get anything specific to help in my own, just knowing that there are others out there meeting the challenge makes me think “well, if they can do it, day after day after day, then so can I!” So, you have inadvertently given me a pep talk! Thanks.

    • Im so happy to hear that.. Wendy that is the entire reason I am doing this blog. I want people to know they arent alone and if I can get through it so can they. Sometimes it seems hopeless but really it isnt.. Glad I could help in some tiny way.. Hugs to you.. Keep on moving forward it just gets better from here…

  8. This is a very sensative and well written post. It came up on my Summify; the top posts to read. I realize that having Axis II myself, I have much to be thankful for. I have been stabe for a number of months. My heart goes out to those who are struggleing this moment.

    • Thank you Malika.. I appreciate the compliment.. I did write this from my heart and it is how I attempt to live my life. Its always a struggle but we get through and thats what we have to remember! There is always hope for things to get better! Hugs and I hope your feeling good today!

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