This is my final post on the essay from The Clairsentient Body website. Now that is not to mean I am done with this subject or this site there is a ton more information available but this is the end of the essay. You would need to read my last post, Clairsentient…Post 4, to fully understand where this one is starting.. there are 4 other posts on this subject.
Quote from essay:
“Please be aware that often we do not realize how sensitive we are and the reason for this is that we completely close down our sensitivity to survive. The level of feeling the pain of “all humanity” is just to severe. If you have trouble remembering early childhood or there are large gaps, then for you it was the most appropriate choice to enable survival. Often this strategy is used in cases of sexual/physical abuse and in different cultures referred to as “disassociation” or “soul loss”; it is also used when the Heart Being finds itself desolate unable to experience the “Truth of Giving and Receiving Love.”
My reaction or association with this from my life:
I absolutely do not remember my childhood. I have very few memories but they all start around 3rd or 4th grade. As a young child I have no real memory of what life was like. I have vague memories of my parents fighting and being afraid in my room of shadows, but I do not remember what life was like at all. I have always found that to be odd but I just figured it was due to my life being stressful. But why was I forced to disassociate at a young age and why did it continue to increase year after year till I was unable to cope..let me explain a bit; When I lived alone at the age of 19, I had a very emotional time. It was like a year of release of emotions and fear and anger. Everyday I came home and I fell apart, I would see things and dream that I was being held down and unable to move or scream. The level of fear that poured out of me was frightening. I couldn’t stop it or control it and I am wondering if it has to do with being sensitive and shutting down for so long but still taking in those feelings. I was unable to go places alone and my anxiety was overwhelmingly crippling. I will be reading more about all this and see if this come up anywhere.
More quotes from the essay:
“It was many years ago that it was presented to me that it “takes an “Empath” to heal an “Empath” I accepted it because it felt right but had no depth of understanding of the fact. Now I realize that the level of pain an Empath or Heart Chakra Being is capable of feeling, which can truly be compared to the penetration of a knife into the heart, has to be felt to be understood. Hence a Heart Based Being will immediately sense the superficial “empathy” of others; often meaning well the counselor will nod and agree but not actually “hear” or “feel” the Heart Being and then project their own (miss)understanding and/or interpretation onto the situation.”
“The difference that separates Heart Chakra Being from others is they will feel that intensity of pain because the “other” is feeling it, not because they are “personally” suffering a loss, humiliation or persecution. As far as the Heart Chakra Being is concerned the level of pain is exactly as if it was theirs or even worse because they would prefer to feel it themselves and save the other from the experience. Moving out of psycho-therapeutic terminology and into spiritual advancement using self development practices at the level I am talking about it, this is not “projection” on the part of the Heart Being.”
My comparison and how this relates to my life:
I too believe it takes an “Empath” to heal an “Empath” because I don’t know anyone who feels things as deeply as I do. If I am talking to someone who is in crisis or turmoil I ache for them literally. It can be very painful for me, and I desperately want to do anything I can to take the pain away from that person. I always know when people are superficial with their empathy whether it be to me or empathy to another. I usually give them credit for trying but I have friends that just don’t feel empathy for people. I can’t help but feel for the suffering of others. This is what drives my depression, at this time in my life. Which is why my last bout of depression was so strange, I am not sure it was really my depression but maybe my neighbors sorrow for her brother’s suffering. That would explain why it was so different and short lived compared to my other experiences with depression.
Further Quotes from Essay:
“I feel the need to state most clearly, this is the exception to the rule and the one occasion (that I am aware of) that using “the world as a mirror” “knowing that we cannot change anyone but ourselves” and the rules of Projection are not valid.”
“The Heart Chakra Being truly has a level of sacrifice that goes way beyond any normal human instinct to help; it raises the question again in A Pathway to Healing in the Footsteps of Christ. As my awareness widened on the subject I feel these Being are now more like containers of grief or to use another person’s term of reference.. almost “Grief Shrines” for humanity in general.
My perspective on this section:
All I can say is I have always sacrificed my happiness for others. I always put myself on the back burner to reach out and help others. I feel pain of others when I am just near them, I don’t need to be talking with them, just be near them to feel the pain. I have learned to turn it off to survive but I have noticed it is still a strong presence in my life, my personality and my mental health. It has always been a strong presence in my life. As I learn about these types of gifts I understand myself so much better. I know this sounds so out there to a lot of you but I know what I have lived and the questions I have always had about myself and my inner pain.
I will be doing more research and sharing more with you… Once again I must wonder how many people are diagnosed with a mental illness that don’t really have a mental illness but symptoms of a gift that is not understood.