I want to warn you all this is a sensitive subject and please remember that while reading.
This is a story of an amazing woman who is sharing her story of sexual abuse as a child in hopes of helping others that are suffering and have suffered. She wants you to know that you are not alone! Speaking out will free your soul!
My name is Angela Dobbins, at the age of 5 yrs I was placed in a facility called Open Door Home in Rome, Ga., which at the time was boys & girls in the same place, boys down one hall and girls down the next.
By the time I was 7 yrs old I had been in several different foster homes with and without my older sister. Then a man and his wife came, The Baldwin’s, to visit me. I was so excited I really liked them a lot. One weekend I got to go stay with them, everything was so normal, then came bedtime, when my soon to be foster dad came in to tell me goodnight. He started tickling me. Well that was fun until he put his hands between my legs, when he was finished I remember him telling me not to tell, that my soon to be foster mom would not want me. Well I was a child who wanted a mama to love me so I kept that secret.
I was placed in the home a few weeks later; the abuse went from touching to him forcing himself inside of me, this continued while in his care. He went from telling me, if I told my foster mom wouldn’t want me and I didn’t want to be sent away. Then the threats started because I wanted him to stop hurting me. I hated him but never showed him that I hated him because I was too afraid.
Then the 5 kids came and Penny became my sister by heart especially when we realized he was molesting us both and raping us. We were both the same age at that time I was 8 yrs old. She had two little sisters who were twins; I remember waking up to one of them crying and went to find her. Not realizing the abuse that was going to be placed on me even more, I told him to leave her alone. I didn’t care what he did to me anymore and that was true I never thought that I would be out of the home. I hated him but yet in some ways loved him too.
I am older and realize I wanted him to love me for me not to abuse me. He also raped my sister Susie who was a year older than me. Penny and I had to sit and watch, this was his way to keep control over us, keeping us silent. He tortured her two brothers in front of us to show us what would happen when we did tell so that kept us silent as well. We didn’t want him to hurt the boys.
When Penny and her siblings went back to their birth mother’s care I was left alone with him again. I hated summer because that meant no school and abuse from him all day. I wanted to die lots of times I prayed that I would. I hated nights and remember many times pretending to be asleep it worked at first but then he would get me up anyway he didn’t care.
Penny’s mother kept on insisting to the authorities to get me out of the home, I later found this out when I was removed from his home. I lied the day my social worker came to get me. I was placed in a room and a woman who started asking the questions they ask a child they suspect has been abused.
While being readied for court I still had not told the truth, they decided to show me the other kids on video telling what had been done to them. Then the quiet twin’s video came out,I had been really close to the twins at the time and when she started crying that is when I broke. I admitted that he had molested me but I never told that he raped me until now.
Years I carried that secret of him raping me. My adopted parents never knew it either, I told no one. I wanted to forget it all happened. I felt dirty and felt no one would want me if they knew he had done that to me. When taken from the home I was placed back in Open Door Home, remember I said it was co-ed boys and girls…A 16 yr old boy held me down as he told a 13 yr old boy to have sex with me, that it would make him a man. The 16 yr old boy never did anything other than sneak in my room, lay on me and tell me things he wanted to do to me but he never touched or entered my body. He just terrorized me with his thoughts. I never told this either it has all come out since I started sharing my story with others on face book.
The reason I am sharing is because I cannot keep the silence anymore. It has slowly been the killer of my soul and since becoming a Christian, at the age of 15, I knew that I would work with abused kids. Recently God has shown me it is the children within the adults that need healing as well…this has become my Journey of Healing…
I have learned that I am not a victim of abuse that I am a survivor. I like the word OVERCOMER because it is true, each time I share what happened to me and someone comes forth, which has happened mostly through face book and one on my LinkedIn account, so I know this is my PURPOSE to be a VOICE for those who are being abused and who haven’t come forth yet…they will!
I know it sounds crazy but now that I am older I see things differently I had to go through the abuse to be able to understand and help others, who are going through the same thing I did or have been through it. God is the one who has brought me through this not those around me. Yes they helped but God placed them in my life to help guide me, but He has been the one to Mold me into who I am today.
I have never done this before and would love prayers as I continue to reach out to others. This is the ministry God has called me into, so join me. My email is [email protected] and my page on face book is Angela Dobbins (My Story) and my LinkedIn account is Angela Dobbins.
I now have my very own blog click here to see it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and support me in stopping Child Abuse, all forms of Child Abuse!!