♥
Yes, I am back on this subject once again. I have to tell you how sad I am for both my girls, yet how proud I am of them for standing up for themselves and for me. Let me recap the situation, if you have read my other posts about the broken father daughter relationship between my oldest daughter and her father you have an idea what I am talking about.
There was another incident with my youngest daughter, her step mom and her father. She spent weeks away from him, not seeing him at all but missed him terribly. The reason was the stress in his home with her step mom and they way she was being treated by said Step mom. I had talked to her and got her to try again with him and see if things might be better. Why? you ask. I don’t know, I was hopeful.
She spent a couple weeks seeing him two afternoons a week and every other weekend. The second weekend she spent there all heck broke loose. Sunday at 7:30pm I got a call from her, she was crying and very angry, yelling at me to come get her. I could hear her father and step mom screaming at her in the back ground then I hear the step mom scream, “I am calling the cops on you, you attacked me!” What is going on I asked my girl. She tells me that she was defending me as her father and step mom were calling me names and saying how unreasonable and crazy I am. She tried just explaining the issue but then her step mom got mad, got in her face and when my girl tried to walk away to her room, to avoid the further fight, her father and her step mom followed her to her room, yelling at her and started calling her names. 
At this point she lost it and she started yelling back and cussing (not OK) at them. Step mom gets in their faces with rage and when she came toward my girl with her hands up my little one met her hands with her hands and pushed her hands away. That was the attack step mom was referring to. Step mom threatened to break her finger (I heard that on the phone) and all sorts of other things.
Little history: The step mom has a daughter and she got into a physical fight with her pulling out a huge chunk of hair and giving and getting black eyes, so we know she can be violent. This daughter was 18 or 19 at the time not sure of her age.
So I went to run out the door and I got a text that said, “he is bringing me.” So I called her and said, “am I coming to get you or is he bringing you now?” She said we are in the car. I was very scared for her this time, I never have been before but hearing her threaten my girl and that she was calling the cops, I got frightened.
When she got home, she got out of his car and told him to never f#@#@ come back. I was shocked, but as it turned out on the drive to my house her father told her she couldn’t come back to his house again. She also told me that step mom was screaming as they left and her father had locked her out of the car because she was determined to come with them, but she was screaming, “The cops will be at Shauna’s house, you attacked me,” as they drove away. keep in mind they were all outside at this point as my girl tends to go outside so she doesn’t get cornered. She hasn’t heard from him since. It has been more than a week.
I know that if his household is like this then both my girls are better off not seeing him but even my older one was still making the occasional effort to see her dad and now she can’t do that so they are both sad and mourning their relationship with their father. I am just broken hearted. How long is this going to go on? I have to say that with both girls suffering with depression and on medications they are handling this pretty well but that worries me. I don’t want them to hide their depression or feelings. We are all pretty open with one another but I know there is stuff they keep to themselves because they don’t want to hurt me or concern me. I wish they wouldn’t do that!
So this is what has got me a bit depressed. Seeing my girls suffering because of a jealous step mom is awful. They are his daughters and not any competition for her but she doesn’t seem to see it that way. I can’t wrap my head around this still.
Anyway, Thanks for listening to my depressed, bipolar stories. If any of you would like to share your experiences I am open to you guest posting on my blog. Just contact me via my email, [email protected].
Much Love to you all! ♥
I know it’s their dad but I really don’t get how you guys have put up with him all these years. I know they did have a good relationship with him when they were little but this is ridiculous.
If your girls were married to a guy like that then you would expect them to leave him for being mentally abusive so why are they putting up with him? (PS Must admit that I probably don’t understand it as I never had a ‘bond’ with my dad and sad to say I was all for it when my mom decided that we should leave him after 16 years of marriage.)
Sounds like a problem. I am a step mom and all I can say is the older they get, just maybe they will open up like they did when they were a kid, when things weren’t so complicated or filled with jelousy of you being the other woman,who they think stole their moms position. I can only say this I don’t ever correct my husbands daughter,stepdaughter never did I tried to tell her what her dad said she would rebel. So I just stay away from her to avoid problems, she is one to pick fights for no reason. So Maybe It’s best If you keep your kids until things have settled down. Now that my stepdaughter she is 18 now and out of school I don’t have to worry about her being thier because she has a full time job to keep her occupied. Jobs are great for young teens it teaches them to give respect to get respect. My situation and relationship with her is to a minimum. The only time she talks to me is when she needs something or wants something. If I have it all give it to her If not oh well. Best to not involve cops sometimes that causes more harm than good. Remember how you raise your kids in your house is your business and that for the dad. Everyone should know their place in a household. Set some ground rules those have to be established and set in agreement with everyone even the stepmom. Good thing though you have two daughters instead makes it so much easier.
Well the problem is step mom was the other woman. and my oldest daughter caught him on the phone with her in the middle of the night telling her he loved her and woke me to tell me.. so my oldest has paid for that from the get go. My youngest has made every effort to be friends with this woman but she is mean and has treated them awful. I was a step mom too to my ex’s son for almost 20 yrs so I know what it is to be a step mom. This relationship he has with his wife is not a good one and she is jealous of the kids and has been from day one. I don’t know why but even when my oldest would hug her dad she would say why do you always have to touch him get your hands off him.. she was 10 when all this happened it has been nearly 7 yrs and this is all still going on.. the youngest is 13 and now has become a target for step mom to be nasty to. This is not a typical situation honestly.
Unfortunately my girls have been treated like they have no place in his home.. It breaks my heart but for this to be going on this long is ridiculous. The girls have been hurt by all this and it should never have gone on this long. why cant he just love his kids and try to work things out with them, well the answer to that is that his wife won’t let him.The girls love their dad and they were close before this all happened. I have tried year after year to get him to listen to them and them to him but it just doesn’t happen and I have had to watch them lose all worth and confidence. I want them to have a relationship with their dad, I never dreamed this would be who he ended up being..
As far as respect goes, if they can’t get any respect they won’t be giving any either, that’s just the way the world goes round.. These kids have tried hard and lost each time.. They should mean more to him than that..
I grew up in a household like this, where my mother was divorced and my father had been remarried and she was jealous of our relationship with him. Honestly, I wish that my mom had listened to me a bit more when I said that I didn’t want to see him anymore. After a certain point it became painful to be near him, knowing that he would always be divided in loyalty.
Im sorry you experienced this as well.. It amazes me, but the court system would take my kids away if I had stopped them from seeing him. Now they are old enough to decide for themselves. I tried hard to remain as neutral as possible, im not perfect tho and I hate people who treat my kids badly. I agree tho it would have been better if when this all started they didn’t have to keep seeing him.. but there has to be a lesson to learn for them and me in all this.. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I just wonder how a grown woman is jealous of children. It is a totally different relationship. oh well