A Bipolar Mind is Having a Hard Time Adjusting

posted in: Changes, Mental Health | 6


A Bipolar Mind and the heat, along with adjustment
Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

“Adjusting to what?” You Say. Moving to a new home! Ever since we moved two weeks ago I wake up several times a night for no apparent reason, just to look down the hallway. Did I think this would happen?  Yep sure did.  Did I expect it to continue for 2 weeks or more? Nope sure didn’t.

So my already sluggish mind over all the stress in finding a place and buying it is now exhausted, worn out and ready for some good sleep. I truly thought I would be sleeping by now, the kids have slept like logs ever since we moved in but not me.

Change is hard for me and my brain, it is like I get lost, my mind is blank. What do I do? What do I write about? How am I going to organize this place? I need to get unpacked! Why am I so short on money?  On top of the normally abnormal mind a few days after we moved in the air conditioner broke. Mind you the day we moved was 110 degrees outside. It has been hot ever since and we are roasting. At least it cools down most nights so the house cools off but over 100 degrees is hard to sit in.

I am currently struggling with the warranty company (Buyers Protection Group) and the contractor that they sent out. This is the second guy as the first guy was, well lets just say less than professional and did nothing except waste an entire week for me in over 100 degree weather. Now this new man has been unable to get the warranty company to call him back. There is a lot to say and he says he really needs to speak to them but he has called numerous times and can’t get anyone to call back. He no longer wants to work for this company! ugh don’t quit now sir, we are so close!

My problem with dealing with the warranty company is as I sit in heat I get mad. Bipolar Mad woman, not a good thing. I don’t want to blow it be being demanding but holy cow can we get something done! I call them and when they tell me nothing and blame it on the repair man, well that makes me angry. I raise my voice and that is when I start to lose it so I can’t stay on the phone long. I had a hard time even calling anyone today, my anxiety was in charge for a while and I just couldn’t dial the phone. I finally got past that and called the contractor and then the warranty company but if I had talked to them much longer I would have ripped someones head off. Bipolar don’t take over now!  I am not allowing it, I will remain me and I will be patient and I will understand that these things take time. Problem is my anxiety starts to creep up as I get angry and I will snap at people and I don’t like that.. I pulled up one of the meditation videos that I have and am trying to keep myself focused.

I feel this is a really negative post, but I really am feeling frustrated with not only my mind but the Air Conditioning not being fixed. I know things will work out one way or another, but I have to get my mind in order. I am not sure what to do as I thought by now I would be settled in better than I am. What gives?

Don’t get me wrong I am happy as can be with the new place, it is huge in comparison to where we were before and we aren’t tripping over each other. So nice. Even though the AC is out we love it!!

What has been going on with you guys lately? Drop me an email or a comment I would love to hear from you!

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6 Responses

  1. My mind has a tough time dealing with change as well. I think that it’s often in so many directions, and I work so hard to reign it in, that then when it’s *supposed* to do in a different direction (ie adjust to change) I have trouble with it. I’ve had a problem snapping at people lately as well, and I hate it – I believe it’s both a result of anxiety and frustration, building up during a depressive cycle and I just have a hard time holding it in. Meditation, yoga, and journaling all help me to try channeling into something positive instead of something negative.

    Congrats on the new house! In the end, as with many positive changes, it will be worth the frustration you’re going through now!

    • Hello Maya and thank you for your comment! It is so nice to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this, I try hard to be positive and honestly I am happy just frustrated. :) I really need to do more to reign my mind in Yoga would help and more meditation. I have to learn to work that into my routine, Its very new to me. Meditation has had great results for me.

      We are so happy with the new place. I just paid my payment it is so much lower than it used to be. Woohoo.. You are right it will be worth it! Feel free to pop up anytime or email me if you would like to chat. Big hugs and much love Shauna

  2. Christine

    You aren’t the only one. I went from manic back to depressed. Even though I wasn’t sleeping I enjoyed feeling confident and semi focused, now not feeling well, dragging, down and irritable again. No reason for the change. I hate the depressed me. I like the slight manic me much better. Is that crazy?

    • Hi Christine. I know what you mean, I keep slipping down toward depression and fighting my way out. I usually like the slightly manic me too but then I get angry so I hate it too.. It’s certainly not crazy when we are manic we are happy and outgoing and confident, funny etc. That is much more fun than the depressed us. Have you tried meditating and such. I have been looking into it and doing some meditating and it seems to help. I just don’t do it enough. :) I hope your depression gets better soon.. Just remember your not alone, there are a lot of people suffering in silence out there. I have met so many great people that are all suffering.. People do understand.. Much love & Hugs Shauna

      • Christine

        thank you as always you make me feel better. My biggest problem is I expect too much from some people and they let me down and don’t understand because they choose not too. I have met great people who do though suchas yourself. Your friendship has been a blessing to me.

        • Thank you Christine. Please know that you aren’t expecting too much but those people aren’t good for you. They don’t understand you are right and they don’t take the time to understand either. Just know it is not your fault they don’t understand. It is not easy to understand and most people have no clue, its easier to say your acting out than to realize how you really feel. Sometimes I think if they knew how you felt inside they wouldn’t be able to handle it. That being said, You just focus on how you feel about the real you, not the illness or what it is doing, but the real you underneath it all. I always felt as if I was locked in darkness and something else had control. I manage to get out of that darkness and gain some control and you can too but it take time and work. I know you know that. You are special, we all are… sending happy thoughts and hugs your way. ♥

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