I am writing further about this because I have written about it before and its a bit of therapy for me. I think it is important people (men) understand how important their relationship is with their children and how those children’s lives are affected by their choices!
On December 30, 2011 my oldest daughter will turn 16. This is a big birthday for a girl and they want everything to be perfect. My father (her grandfather) has offered to pay for a limo and for her to take her friends to a restaurant for dinner and then go cruise around after dinner in the limo etc.
Remember my daughter has not spent any time with her father for over a year, their relationship is in pieces due to his choices in his life and his treatment of his daughter. There have been many attempts by our daughter to reach out to him, she wants him to prove that she is important by spending time alone with her to rebuild their relationship. He has refused to this point and the one time he did take her alone for a couple of hours he spent the entire time texting with his girlfriend and fighting with her. He ignored Sami the entire time. It was uncomfortable for her and she came home angry and hurt.
She has reached out to him so many times in the last 6 years and each time he has disappointed her. This time she reached out to him and he may as well have slapped her face and slammed the door.
Sami called him before school asking if he would consider going to her birthday part alone. She doesn’t want his now wife there. Keep in mind this woman has fought with Sami and competed with her for years for her fathers affection. Sami couldn’t even hug her dad without this woman saying enough of that, why do you always have to touch him. His response to that was nothing but to back away from Sami. No matter what Sami did the same things kept happening, until she eventually stopped going to his house.
So back to the Birthday… He told her he would not go to her birthday without his wife and that he has to consider everyone (to me that’s everyone but his daughter). She is devastated she almost fell over and was sobbing so hard that I could barely hold her up. I held her as long as she would allow and she went and crawled into bed bawling. I couldn’t get her to pull herself together to go to school, she is completely DEVASTATED.
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She is still crying, how does a child diagnosed Bipoalr2, heavy depression and anxiety deal with being fully rejected by her father? How could he not consider her feelings or even her illness? How do you not put your child at the very top of your priorities? How do you choose an outsider to your daughter, not just now but when were married and he was cheating, spending weekends at that woman’s house and not with his children? Taking time from them to be with her and her family, how do you do that? How do you stay on the phone telling that woman you love her and allow your child to hear you, while her mother sleeps in the other room? How are you so selfish that your children are not considered in your life choices and how what you do affects them? How do you let them feel like it’s all their fault? How do you let your girlfriend call them names and be downright mean to them and then defend her and dismiss your child’s feelings? How do you blame them directly for your problems and wrong choices?
I hurt for her inside, the pain is unbearable and I can’t even imagine how it is making her feel. How did I choose to have children with someone who could treat them this way. Her heart is broken, so much so she no longer wants her Guinea pig that he gave her. Every time he makes noise she says I want him gone. She has learned now to associate the pet with her father and she can’t stand to look at him, he taught her that… I absolutely am disgusted by this man and I never want to lay eyes on him again. Of course that’s not an option as I have two children.
I Love my girls with all my heart and will always be there for them. No matter what goes on in my life these children are the most important and anyone in my life will have to understand, if they don’t then they won’t stay in my life. My boyfriend, Carl, completely understands this and would have it no other way and I also understand he has a child that is more important too. I have been Blessed by having Carl in my life! I am so thankful!
Now how do I heal my daughter’s heart? Unfortunately, I can’t all I can do is love her through it. I feel so lost and helpless..
I have said this before I do not pray often but I have about this issue, will you please pray for my daughter to find peace and happiness.
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